Genuinely need help how to get out of this situation

.

I think I’ve ’trauma bonded’
It’s been 7 months.
He keeps ending things. .
I’ve been a beg for weeks and he’s come back to end it again days later.
He gives me really bad anxiety and I spiral, now he’s ignored me for the past 3 days. And I’ve spiralled to him which I know I shouldn’t have.
He told me he wants a relationship knew I got feelings and now he wants fwb but ended it with me because it’s ‘the best’. After he came back to me after blocking me for weeks
He says horrible things to me sometimes.
Sometimes he’s nice sometimes he’s not.
He will message me all day one day then not atal for days after.
He goes and keeps coming back. I’m stupid for allowing this I know.
Hes so affectionate and caring in person, but also makes jokes about my past and my life but laughs them off.
He drinks a lot, I didn’t realise at first but he’s always drinking when he’s not working.
I changed myself sexually because he wanted me to do stuff I don’t usually do.

I know I should block and leave this but I’m finding it really hard to do that. I think I’ve become attached to the push and pull and I’m struggling, my whole mood has become dependant on how he is with me and I don’t know how he’s got me like this after 7 months.
Has anyone been through similar and has any advice?
I don’t need to be told I’m an idiot etc.