(TW: SA) did my (F23) bf (M24) assault me and should i break up with him?

For some context, I have a past of being assaulted, sexually and physical abuse also. My boyfriend knows this. We’ve been together 2 1/2 years and he lives with me and my mum. My entire family loves him and think if either of us is the bad guy in the relationship, it’s me. I have BPD so can have pretty intense mood swings that my bf has always been good at handling and being patient with. But he does often trigger them on purpose I believe. He knows what actions trigger my ptsd and trigger certain responses and does them often, and i’m starting to think it’s not accidental.

The reason i need some advice is on a situation from recently, around a couple weeks ago now. I had a really bad nightmare that brought back some childhood trauma that I had completely forgotten about until that dream. To say when he woke me up I was shaken and scared was an understatement. I was sobbing and frozen. I just couldn’t move. He comforted me for a while but he knows I don’t like being touched in these moments. I was frozen and mute though and so when he did start touching me, I couldn’t stop him. Then it got worse

He started grinding himself against me, already hard, and touching up my thighs and around my genitals. I was crying and frozen and it felt like my nightmare had just carried on into the real world. Eventually, when he tried to pull my panties down and his boxers, i managed to push him away. He sighed and rolled over and I think he went to sleep. I’m not sure.

Since then, I’ve felt awful constantly. My ptsd has been worse than ever and he’s still trying to initiate intimacy constantly. He knows im not comfortable with it right now but because i have masturbated a few times, he’s taken great offence to it. I tried explaining it’s because i’m in control of it but he doesn’t seem to understand. I don’t know how to talk to him about any of this because i’ve asked him to stop and i’m obviously (physically and emotionally) uncomfortable. I don’t know what else I can do :( He’s my whole life and we’ve got so much planned for our future. I love him so much and he does show me so much love which makes me forget the bad stuff. But is the bad stuff unforgivable? I don’t want to throw away the love of my life.