Learning to like the person in the mirror

I honestly think I’ve spent most of my life hating myself. I’m 42 now, and for the majority of those years, I never really learned how to process my emotions or deal with what I was carrying inside.

I’ve been unhappy for much of my life, and while there were things I could have changed, I often didn’t. The truth is, I have no one to blame but myself. That’s a difficult thing to admit, but it’s honest.

Over the last six years, I’ve started doing the hard work of looking inward. I’ve been learning coping skills, finding healthier outlets, and trying to understand myself better. I still fall short sometimes. I still make mistakes. I still have moments where I react instead of respond. But I’m trying.

One thing I’ve become very good at over the years is hiding how much I was struggling. Maybe not as well as I thought, but enough that most people never really saw it. These days, I’m hoping all the work I’m doing is moving me forward. Some days I can see the progress. Other days it feels like I’m sliding backward. But even on those days, I’m still trying, and that’s something I couldn’t always say.