My dog died yesterday without much warning

I am so deeply devastated I don’t know what to do. I can’t eat or sleep and I am pacing the house constantly in circles just with this shred of hope that I will enter a room and he will just be there.

My beautiful boy threw up once on friday and was a bit lethargic, but we put it down to having just given him 1 dose of a new probiotic supplement for his tummy and skin. He seemed a bit better over the weekend and kept eating his chicken and rice. Even yesterday morning he wanted some toast from us.

My mum and I came home from work at 4 yesterday and couldn’t find him anywhere until we looked in the back of the garden and saw him collapsed and pooping himself. He couldn’t stand and was panting like crazy. He was a big boy so I had to call my neighbour crying for help to move him. In the car to the emergency vet he looked so scared and confused and out of it. I thought he just had heatstroke and needed some fluids and I really thought that he would be okay.

When we got to the vets his tummy was full of blood and the vet said he thinks his spleen ruptured and he had haemangiosarcoma. He died before they could start surgery. I am so sick to my stomach that we didn’t take him to the vet when he was sick on friday. I keep thinking about how I could still be with him.

To make everything worse we are in the process of moving out, to a place my mum bought right by the park and the beach. We only picked the house because he wouldn’t have needed to go far for his walks and he loved to swim. He never got to come here. I can’t believe I am never going to see him again. My heart hurts so much I don’t know what to do. I miss him and he was half my family. It was only ever me him and my mum. Everything is so quiet now.

I can’t believe this is happened. I don’t know what to do or if I’m ever going to be right again after this. What hurts the most is knowing that he died in pain. I love you arthur. I really need help. He was only 9.