Girlfriend 34F changed her birthday plans to clubbing and I 30M can't stand clubs

TLDR - autistic boyfriend said I don't want to go clubbing as will feel significant anxiety. Girlfriend whose birthday is extremely angry at me

For context, I have autism, so social situations are very difficult for me to navigate. I appreciate it can be frustrating to be around me all the time, but I am really trying to work on it for myself and for her.

I used to go out with her to events all the time and I had fun most of the time, but if the music is not something I really vibe with, I honestly find it unbearable. Especially as I don't feel like dancing and trying to chat with people you have nothing in common with is impossible, so I just stand around like a lemon and feel the judging eyes from others... On top of this the sensory overload from my autism can be pretty overwhelming. It's weird though because it depends entirely on the music. As a musician myself, certain sonic landscapes with bands playing live music, really hypes me up and I feel more comfortable. Electronic music, not so much, though I appreciate it and respect people's tastes are all different. I also just feel I'm growing out of the whole get wasted go clubbing thing and just want to see bands I would listen to at home to appreciate the art. I don't want to party much these days.

Last time we went to a club she was dancing with friends and didn't spend much time with me. I nearly left, until a mutual friend started to chat with me and made me feel a bit more comfortable. I do love going to live gigs with music we both enjoy but granted, I still have a bit of anxiety unless I drink. We enjoy much of the same things, I think she just loves to party and be social, whereas I'm obviously much more introverted. Other aspects of our relationship match perfectly and I'm confident we are both madly in love with eachother, so this isn't a fundamental mismatch of personalities and Id like to work on finding a compromise. We have many of the same hobbies, moral and political views, always laughing and going on dates together etc. so please don't get the impression we are not compatible. No relationship is perfect.

For my girlfriends birthday, she wanted a house party, so we had planned a party with a few friends. One of the friends now has posted an event of some music I don't really enjoy in the group chat and everyone has decided we are going there instead. I told my girlfriend that I want to be supportive of whatever she wants to do but like, we had a plan everyone was good with and now it's changed to something the person she cares about most (me) will be pretty uncomfortable within. It's NOT my day, it's hers. I get that. But I will obviously struggle to support her having her fun if I feel like having a panic attack or something. She was super mad at me, screaming how I never want to do anything, I'm antisocial and a nightmare and she can't handle my problems, she's going anyway, come or don't come sorta thing... This is not the first time she has exploded on me.

I have just said, ok I will go. Even if I don't want to go to this event, I want MORE for you to be happy but she was crying all morning and saying I don't love her and I am selfish. How should I approach this? I just tried to be honest about how I know this is going to go.