CPTSD Nightmares

Woke up from a nightmare again. I have heart condition so each time I have to make sure it's not that. I have both PTSD and CPTSD with overlapping symptoms.

I get recurring nightmares that I'm stuck in my hometown at the church or camp I used to love, but that I know would reject me now because I'm lesbian. This time, it was just awkward and uncomfortable at first, but then my dad showed up. At that point, I'm worried we'll get in an argument, but I can't stand secrecy. I tell the people there that he yells at me almost daily, and then he gets upset. In that moment I know he's going to kill me, and I try to hide or escape and no one is helping. It's terrifying. Dream me actually decided to dissociate which woke me up.

In real life, I never actually felt like my dad was going to kill me, but since I came out as queer, he hardly talks to me, says he dreads my calls, and when we do talk it quickly devolves to screaming and him saying I'd be happier if I listened to him, and refusing to believe that I'm the happiest I've ever been. I don't know why my dreams make him come after me; we did scream a lot growing up, and he did kick me one time, but my subconscious finds that to be deadly intent for some reason. Anyhow, My whole upper body is tense, and it sucks. My partner's at work tonight and I'm just here, not sure about going back to sleep after this. Good vibes to everyone else going through it tonight.