Dear S

you’ve completely shattered my heart into a million pieces. i never thought with our love i’d have to feel like this. i thought you wanted me forever. you promised me so many things but you’ve broken all of those. you called me your soulmate and the love of your life. it all feels like a lie.

we talked about marriage, children, everything and we were finally supposed to be closing the distance again in a few weeks. that’s all went down the drain. my whole future revolved around you and now i’m lost. i thought i had it all worked out.

i miss you so unbelievably much and have been reminiscing on all of our memories. at the same time, i don’t even think i want you anymore. you’ve hurt me so badly and i will probably never forgive you for that. you blocked me out of your entire life like i meant absolutely nothing to you. didn’t even give me a chance.

i’m so angry too. i feel like you wasted so much of my time. all of those years spent together just for you to find an excuse to get up and leave when things got difficult. i don’t think you’re made for a relationship. you wanted to work on yourself and i genuinely hope you actually put yourself into therapy before inflicting this pain onto anyone else.

i had doubts myself at times. i should’ve broken up with you at the start when you had already hurt me so badly. i just couldn’t though because i was so in love with you. you continued to hurt me and messed with my whole personality. it took a lot for me to actually regain trust with you but i worked through it and was still trying to do so. i put so much work into this relationship and you just couldn’t take it anymore. all because i wanted the bare minimum. you couldn’t give me that.

you tried to say i was controlling you in some ways but everyone has told me it was the opposite. now i’m starting to see that. you know who i am as a person and that i would never willingly hurt you. your actions caused my reactions which i do regret but you put me through so much hurt all of the time and i never felt listened to.

i’ve told you so much and i feel so vulnerable now being left knowing that you know all of this. you left me right when my mental health was at an all time low and you knew this. despite the fact you argued against this, you clearly did not care or love me enough.

i showed you all of my favourite things and took you to all of my favourite places. you’ve ruined them for me.

i hope you eventually realise you made a mistake but i will never take you back after this.