I'm sad for idiotic reason and I feel I have none to talk to about this

Sorry if this makes no sense, english isn't my first language.

I wanted to be an artist since I was little, but I feel I wasn't cut out to be one.

Now, for multiple reasons. I want to draw so I can express my ideas, emotions and draw my own characters. I dream to put my stories out in the world someday, however I know that's never going to happen. And I love art.

In the past I loved to draw, I didn't do it as often as I wanted, but despite how terrible my art was, I liked it. I know it was because I was a kid and I didn't realize how terrible I was at it. I just wish I could love drawing like I used to.

When I was a bit older I still drew and tried to improve, but it rarely worked. I only when it worked was when I copy step by step. But I wouldn't say I enjoyed it.

When I did it was when I was doodling in class. Those doodles were also bad, however I was still proud of them.

But now I can't even enjoy that. Last time when I drew I was crying the whole time and after. Overall, when I think about drawing it makes me cry.at the same time, I really want to draw and I know need to get better at it, but also I don't want to cry because of it. I wish I could enjoy drawing again and not sob because of it.

It's like the moment I realize I was bad and at how long it takes to get good and that I need to practice, I lost all the joy that got from it, instead I feel stressed and anxious and as time passes, it just gets worse.

I tried to talk about this with people about this, but none of them said anything that helped me out. My friend told me that I should give up and maybe she is right.

When talking in real life didn't help, I tried to find something to help me on the internet. Motivation videos, vent posts from people that feel the same and comments replying to them. (I even made one vent post in the past, but the only reply I got was promoting gen AI, so I deleted it).

And it also didn't help. It made me even more discouraged from drawing.

To like art that you make, you need to be good at it, to be good at it you need practice for a long time in a good way, and the said practice is supposed to make you hate yourself. That's what I got from this post and, like I said, it discouraged me. I don't want to be even good at drawing, I want to like it again and not feel so terrible. But to do this I need to get good and the process of getting good is very hard and tiring. At this point I don't know why I should even continue? If learning to draw good enough for me to like it will make me hate myself more than I already do for a long time, then would it be better to just give up?

The others said that you need to enjoy the process, but I'm not sure I do.

I'm scared to pick up the pencil, because I don't want to cry, like I said already.

The last time when I saw something that made me feel better was when I saw somebody on tiktok that was also bad at drawing but didn't care. But I quickly found out that they were already good and that they were just baiting the haters (?). No hate to this person, it wasn't their fault, but it reinforced the idea that to like drawing you need to be good at it.

I feel so demotivated.

It's seems that my friend was right. I should give up. I know that none is immediately good at drawing (I hope that I didn't sound like I think that) but maybe I'm just not cut out for drawing. But also the idea of just never drawing and not enjoying it anymore also makes me feel terrible, because it is something that I dream of since I was a toddler.

I thought about other forms of art (stop motion, 3d animation, sculpting) but they were too hard or too expensive. I also tried utau, but I couldn't make it sing so I just gave up on it.

I know it's stupid and pathetic. I just want to not feel bad about it anymore.