middle child struggles

Middle children who aren't the family's favorite, how are you coping? I’m 24F, and lately I feel like I’ve been stuck in survival mode.

I recently graduated and am currently preparing for my licensure exams. This should be a time when I can focus on myself and my future, but instead, I feel completely drained. I haven’t been getting the support I need from my mom because most of her attention and energy go to my older sister. For context, my sister 28F has always been the favorite. Whatever she asks for, she gets. A big reason for this is her anger issues. Everyone in the family adjusts to her to avoid conflict. He was even given a diagnosis before, but my parents refuse to acknowledge it or seek proper treatment because they don’t believe it. Growing up, I became extremely independent because I learned that if something needed to be done, I had to do it myself. The problem is that now everyone expects me to keep doing everything.

Even while studying for one of the most important exams of my life, I’m still the one handling family responsibilities. I look for apartments for my siblings, book their flights, process documents, run errands, and solve problems whenever something comes up. In many ways, I feel like I’m carrying the responsibilities people usually associate with the eldest daughter, despite not being the oldest child.
It’s reached a point where I’m mentally and emotionally exhausted.

Tonight, I asked for one favor. Just one. I’m planning to have a graduation photoshoot because I never got decent photos during my actual graduation. My siblings wanted to leave immediately because they were hungry, so once again, I was the one who adjusted. I told myself I could at least make up for that experience now. But even asking for that small favor somehow made me feel like I was asking for too much. My mom immediately asked me what a graduation photoshoot was even for and said it would just be a waste of money. Hearing that hurt more than I expected because this was one of the few things I wanted for myself after years of putting everyone else's needs first.

The hardest part is realizing that I don’t really have anyone I can rely on. Whenever someone needs help, they come to me. But when I need support, I feel like I’m on my own.
Lately, it’s been affecting my ability to study. Every day feels overwhelming, and my motivation is disappearing. I know I should be focusing on my boards right now, but I’m so tired of being the responsible one all the time.

I guess I just want to know if anyone else has felt this way, and how you managed to keep going.