What the hell is wrong with me

So i (13 M) feel like I have lots of friends in in a gc with friends and shit but i barely get invited to shit and I really wanna try to hangout with them but I never do and never can and idk if its me or smth else but I fuc###g hate myself and I've thought about killing myself I've actually slit my wrist before but of this situation and just bs with my mom but idk what to so and i feel like theres nothing I can do

I feel like ive got 1 REAL GOOD best friend but its always like me initiating any conversation with him and whenever I text him he rarely texts back and in the gc sometimes people will send videos of each other hanging out and it just makes me feel depressed and sad