What Am I Doing Wrong?

Context:

I am in my 20s, based in the UK, I am autistic, I have OCD, generalised anxiety disorder, epilepsy, traumatic flashbacks from an abusive childhood and some kind of depersonalisation/derealisation. I have had to leave postgraduate studies because of the trauma side. I physically have shut down and struggle to get out of bed.

My able-bodied mum displays a lot of narcissistic behaviours and suffers from delusions. She thinks that my OCD which manifests in me washing my hands a bit longer than usual is me trying to flood the house so she slips over and breaks her neck. Doesn’t quite tally with the reality but neither does the belief that I treat her like a slave (I had a mental breakdown and can’t live independently) or her various martyr delusions.

She has made abusive comments about Jews including advocating for Holocaust denial, Black people, Muslims, Travellers, Indians and Trans people. She has said she could kill her children in the past but then said it was just a hypothetical. She would sometimes try and wash my hair in the sink but would end up getting a wet towel over my mouth and nose so I couldn’t breath. When I complained, she said I couldn’t be choking if I was moaning and dismissed it as a joke.

Cut to now:

I go to my family GP who I have known from childhood to increase a dosage of escitalopram. As agreed by me, my mum and the GP. But my mum goes in there and starts saying that she’s had enough of my “weird behaviour.“ I have never been unreasonable. My mum on the other hand is lazy and has neglected me while claiming money as my carer. She is not remotely burnt out and always has energy to criticise me and help her favourite people. My GP has always been biased towards my mum though.

Instead of being objective, my doctor suddenly went back in time and retrained in family counselling. She starts yelling at me and saying “I know you are an intelligent young man so I know that you understand really, your worries aren’t the be all and end all for your mum, she has a life of her own, she needs rest or she’ll get carers’ burnout. I’m sure you can appreciate how much she helps you.”

I tell her no, my mum does the bare minimum for a carer and never listens to my anxieties or trauma. My GP invalidates me and says

“I’m sure that’s not true. You look functional to me. You should appreciate your mother’s support and try to help around the house. You are not a child. Your mother is the only thing standing between you and homelessness.

Mum shouldn’t have to do it all. You are a guest in her house and you need to be nice to her or she might make a decision that you don’t like very much. She doesn’t legally have to let you stay in the house, you don’t own the house, it is hers and she allows you to live in there as an adult. But she doesn’t have to. You are an adult with some vulnerabilities and mental health but we are all doing what we can and you need to appreciate that. Living with mum is a privilege not a right.“

This feels like gaslighting to me and it also feels like a threat. Obey your mother or feel what it is like to be homeless. Why would you even mention homelessness to a mentally ill client?? My mother lapped it up of course and said “I don’t have to do anything because Dr X told me so.“ But it felt incredibly gross to me—unprofessional and coercive. But she has done this before, telling me that before I leave the room, I need to accept my mother’s “support“ and implying that if I didn‘t, my intelligence was at fault.

I have told my GP repeatedly that I am crisis point but she just said “that‘s frustrating, but you need to appreciate the effects of burnout.”

What am I doing wrong? This is abuse, right?