AITA in this relationship? My self esteem is rock bottom

Preface this by saying it ended about 7 months ago and I keep replaying what went wrong and where I could’ve done better. She seemed normal and just snapped one day. I’ve talked with two therapists and their first impression was both bipolar. Sorry long post I think it may also be borderline. She got mad at her best friend for not texting her and wishing her happy birthday or getting a present and wanted to end the friendship. One of her bosses she couldn’t stand, then liked him, then later couldn’t stand him again cause he made her do all the research work. I think she may have split on me.

We dated 4 months in person and saw each other every day. We traveled to see my parents, to new states, worked out together and made lots of amazing memories. We were off of schoolwork and had nothing but free time. I loved my time with her but had to move away for work for one year for surgery residency. It was a single year position. I said that I loved my time with her but if she didn’t want to do long distance I would understand. We dated long distance for a year and saw each other about once a month by alternating our vacations. During this time we discussed marriage and she was excited and was unsure because of the distance. We had a weekend trip to see my parents and she was thrilled again and wanted to get married and we looked and rings but she went back on it again and was unsure.

We are both in residency and she is in family medicine. She was also stressed out throughout residency. We would schedule almost weekly date nights and talk everyday and text everyday. I transferred positions to family medicine and moved to her state. We only lived two hours away. During the transfer she told me make sure what you do is best for you and do not let me be a factor in your decision.

I moved less than two hours away from her by car into a nearby city for my position and we would drive down and see each other on the weekends. I thought everything was fine. We went on vacation with her family, her parents would take me out to dinner, I’d go fishing with her dad. She maybe was slightly less of her bubbly self but I attributed it to being busy. She’s a very type A neurotic person and gets stressed out easily if she doesn’t check off every box on her schedule. She injured her leg and cannot bike or run on it and that caused her mental stress. She broke down in the gym crying a few times and said that not being able to run has taken a toll on her mental health. She has been wanting to buy a house and submitted offers while I was long distance (something I brought up with her and said we should decide on together). She stopped her birth control about 8 months ago and has not been able to have a period so she was getting worked up for her cortisol and other hormones and they were starting to normalize. She was found to have a benign pituitary adenoma (asymptomatic usually but can cause hormone imbalance if large enough). Her sisters both own houses and her elder sister is married with kids. Her mom joked once when she was extremely talkative trying to figure out how to get all her errands done in 2 hours and get her oil changed and workout and make it back in time for family time to “run while you can”.

The weekend prior to the breakup she took me out on a weekend getaway to a different city and spent about 500 dollars on us. It was an amazing gesture and she was all over me. I thought she might be ovulating cause she was so into me and never that excited before. A few days later on Thursday, she was frustrated; she was mad at her boss for not agreeing with her plan, yelled at her dad for wanting her to see her younger sister’s house, and then snapped at me saying she couldn’t do the distance anymore. We broke up two days after that.

She had me over and said that our personalities were not compatible because I'm much more laid back. She said that she couldn’t trust me to raise kids and that I did not take initiative with things. She was always pushing me to do more (have my retirement planned out, applying to jobs), and said that I didn’t have a clearcut life plan. She helped me setup a job interview, I discussed with a financial planner, and had an interview lined up to transfer programs to be 20 minutes away from her. Our life circumstances are different. I am a medical doctor and currently in training so I think that point is moot. I own a house that I rent out and pay rent at an apartment in the city 2 hrs away, I have numerous expenses for utility and student loans. She lives at home with her parents.

She said she felt like she had to be a different person in the relationship and that was causing her distress. She said she felt miserable long distance when we did our virtual dates sitting alone in the basement while all her friends and family were out doing other things. Overall we dated about a year and 8 months. She said she realized she wanted to break up as soon as she blurted out that reason on Thursday. She said I’m perfect otherwise and she never doubted my love for her in the relationship. I asked if we could work on things or how am I supposed to address this. She never communicated these feelings in the relationship and said she had been thinking of breaking up with me since March (because I didn’t have back up plans for a backup after my one year position). She apologized for not communicating this and said there was nothing I could do to address it nor couples therapy. I would do monthly check ins with her about things I could do better or improve in our relationship and she never brought up anything. We hugged and I kissed her goodbye a few times and told her to leave me alone so I could heal. She asked what if there was anything of mine she still had at her place. I told her to just throw it away and I mailed all of her stuff back that day.