Intense dysphoria

Hello all! I’m looking for tips and tricks on how to get my facial hair to grow back faster and thicker. To make a long story shorter I am transmasc nonbinary (AFAB) and I’ve gone through many phases with my facial hair. I am curious if anyone else has experience with facial/body hair that can help broaden my perspective and knowledge given my current situation and past experiences. Below are the phases in chronological order.

Phase 1: I was nonbinary as a young adult and have PCOS so I already had a bit of thick peach fuzz that I dyed darker.

Phase 2: I started Testosterone and grew a mustache and some peach fuzz all over my chin, cheeks, neck, chest, and stomach.

Phase 3: I grew full blown hair all over the areas mentioned above that I wore long and bushy. I came off of Testosterone for health reasons but not much changed in terms of my facial/body hair and voice.

Phase 4: I became terrified to present as myself due to having many intersectional identities that made me a target in my state. My spouse and I were called slurs (they are also transmasc nonbinary) and blocked into a parking spot by a man pointing a weapon at us. At this point I shaved all my facial hair off and was doing at home IPL treatments to get rid of my facial hair. I also began waxing as well. My facial, chest, cheek, and neck hair became lighter in color, less dense, and took a bit longer to grow back.

Phase 5: I felt horrendously depressed and dysphoric so I grew back my facial hair but kept it trimmed on my cheeks and neck so that I could cover it with a mask if I wanted to feel safer in public. Then, every 2-4 months I would shave my facial hair (no IPL) and present mostly feminine for a week or two. I did this for about 8 months.

Phase 6: I finallt figured out how I feel about my gender more clearly and realized I am Agender, Non-binary, and Transmaculine. I do not have top surgery and have a larger chest and very shapely body but my facial/body hair balances the femme and masc enough for me to usually not feel very dysphoric. I also dress according to how I feel on any given day (if it is safe to do so), so sometimes I wear a masculine outfit, sometimes a feminine outfit, and sometimes a more androgynous outfit. I recently planned a trip to Texas to visit my dad and got scared for the airport TSA so I shaved my facial hair off completely and all my chest and stomach hair.

Now: I feel so dysphoric that I keep compulsively checking to see if I can somehow get back on Testosterone. I know that my physical health would suffer but I genuinely feel like I can’t possibly wait another 4 months for my facial hair to grow back out to where it was before (I felt gender euphoria a week or two before I shaved it). I can’t look at myself in the mirror without feeling so sad and detached from the way my face looks. I don’t feel represented by the face and body I see now.

Does anyone have any ideas or experience with trying to grow out facial hair rapidly? Also, does anyone have experience with facial/body hair regrowth after waxing or IPL treatments?

I know everyone’s body is different but I would really appreciate anything anyone has to share. I’m sorry this is so long and detailed, I am neurodivergent and a systematic processor so this is the way information exists inside my brain.