How do I get a hold of my path?

Hey.

I'm 28, and have had a hell of a ride in life. I was doing really well at a point with a decent enough job and a loving, loyal woman.

After a point, I went through trauma after trauma which left me extremely indecisive and like I'm unhappy with everything no matter what.

In an extended manic episode, I purchased a home thousands of miles away from my few close friends and family. I was proud of this until I arrived into the home and the deep regret of leaving my life back home set in. Purchasing a home was my lifelong dream that meant safety and freedom, but the reality of it has crushed me. I feel no safer and no more free.. nor do I care for the area as much as back home after some short amount of time.

Market in the area is strong enough that I'm able to sell it immediately for not as big a loss as it could've been and move back. I do NOT want to be in this town, pretty and quiet as it is.. it's too quiet.

Then there's the career aspect. I don't have any set career in mind. I struggle with learning and doing a job that isn't routine but exciting. That's the AuDHD, but then suffer from panic attacks often, severe cPTSD that I can't afford to get therapy for anymore. I'm extremely high strung and get trauma shakes. I used to be laid back and confident.

THEN there's the fact that no matter where I am in life, I constantly feel like I need to run. It's like I just can't be happy with things and my mind is constantly changing.

For now, the only solid things that I've learned about myself in the recent years of dealing with not being able to get out of my own way are: I absolutely need to be around the few people I love, I feel developmentally very delayed and inexperienced for my age, I make boneheaded decisions out of fear that carry heavy consequences, and I'm starting to feel like a burden to those around me.. like I just can't make a correct decision in life or BE A NORMAL PERSON. It's almost like I need a caretaker to feel okay.. which is effed up from who I used to be in my early 20's.

I can't figure myself out and I'm running out of time. I don't want to be bouncing around forever not knowing what I want or not being able to.