Said "goodbye" to my main...

...and potentially to this world and am feeling kind of empty today.

I posted a few weeks ago about having trouble letting go of this world. My story is in was married 19 Years, got divorced 7 years ago, and 7 months ago, after almost 7 years without sex or the touch of a woman, I decided, with the blessing of my best friends, to see an escort

After researching a few weeks, I decided to do it and found one I was immediately attracted to, an independent who was the type of girl I listed after but never got a few times in my life

I really thought I would do it one time. I read online that people get addicted to this and even some seasoned guys saying "don't do it". I thought they meant I might get addicted to the rush of hot sex with many women.

It never occured to me that I might get attached emotionally to one woman. This girl is very sweet and kind, funny, smart, interesting. I was immediately taken by her and decided after night 1 that I had to keep seeing her.

I made a budget and have seen her for the last 7 months. When I started I was 320 lbs and was slowly working on my health but my self esteem was in the toilet.

I immediately started working out and have lost 45 lbs with another 50 or so to go. I also got on dating apps for the first time ever and started getting some attention. Which led to more self esteem.

Last week, I met a girl around my age at a BBQ and had the courage to ask for her number and a date and she said yes to both

I know this is the right path for me as the escort relationship is limited for obvious reasons and also because she is so much younger than me (in her 20's).

I planned one last meet with her last night and both GPT and a guy on the review board that I chatted with said you don't owe her a goodbye but I wanted to have one last time with her and some closure.

We had a long in date with social time and I told her about the date. She was actually very supportive and happy for me, and said that's what I should do and good for me etc.

I feel like she really meant it and it helped to hear that. I don't know if I was expecting anything different but it was re assuring.

Anyways I am here now next day and just replaying this adventure and all it has meant to me over the last 7 months. Part of the sadness is saying goodbye to the adrenaline and going back to my mundane adult responsible life.

The fantasy life was so much more exciting. I find myself bargaining that if things don't work out with BBQ woman I can go back and see her again.

But part of me knows that I have gotten everything I needed from her. If things don't work out with BBQ woman I can just ask another woman.

Bottom line I can't go back to the excitement and innocence I had at the outset.

Anyways, not sure what I am looking for but wanted to vent this. It's a bittersweet feeling.