Meet up with white guy got canceled now I'm sad asf

Long storytime ahead.

I've matched with this white man in Tinder who happened to be almost twice my age. He's 47, a filmmaker from south africa and while turning 24 soon. He was cute imo, and the day that we first chatted, it was so brief yet he showed interest in me.

Our chats were always like that and it was never really consistent until he said he's gonna come over in the Philippines for a vacation and we agreed we'll meet.

I said I won't have sex and he said he's fine with that and based on his actions and words, I felt like he really did want to meet me. We agreed we'll just do sides.

Before his flight, he told me that he can't message until monday (June 15). Cause that's when his jetlag will fade he said. But then i recall him rejecting my proposal to meet by then cause he said he's got plans to hang out with somebody else.

That rejection started creeping on me tbh. Altho he suggested we'll meet on Wednesday (June 17), he never messaged me or anything when he arrived.

Look, how tf are you gonna spend two consecutive days hanging out when you say you have a jetlag.

I dmed him June 17 cause I've been so so bothered and I've been uneasy with how absent he was in our chat. I fucking hate how it made me feel when literally days before that we were going deeper about our lives altho i knew it was never gonna be a relationship but i just wished he never acted like showing interest to me.

After chatting that day, he didn't respond all day, as usual i was left hanging. That night, I exploded and sent hima long message expressing my frustrations and I just assumed that he did not want to meet cause I said i don't like to have sex.

I was so hurt. I did not tell him but I was actually planning to do it with him, i just did not tell him so he would not expect. I ate fiber all week, avoided meat and all, bought a new sex toy just so my ass would adjust to his big dick but he was just not showing interest when he arrived.

After sending that long text, i furiously blocked him and unmatched on tinder.

I knew i should have given him more benefit of the doubt even though that's what I've been doing ever since he arrived here. But then i also realized how quickly i reacted and when i unblocked him, i just found out that he blocked me back in the apps i could have contacted him.

I know it was never that deep, it was tinder and it might have been just a hook up but we actually planned hanging out and doing stuff outside sexual things. We talked about each other's jobs. He showed interest and i did.

Now a weekend had pass, he's still here in PH, I'm stuck being sad while also jealous thinking someone did with him the stuff we swore we're gonna do together.

How do i move on from such a shallow situation? I feel really really sad about it. And how do i stop being attracted to older white men? How do i apper less desperate? Is this all completely my fault? Wtf should i do :(