Why my life is so fking Sad?

I will be turning 19 in a few days, and I’ve been feeling depressed.

My father is a DSP, and because of his rank, I didn’t really get to go out much with friends. In school, I had strict restrictions and wasn’t allowed to play cricket outside. I had to stay in front of the house where cameras could see me. Because of space limits, my friends moved to a bigger ground, but I wasn’t allowed to join them despite begging my parents. Eventually, I stopped playing and lost contact with them.

I became used to being alone and learned to entertain myself. After matric, I joined college. I was very reserved, and people didn’t really joke with me. I once shut down a classmate and later regretted it. My image became that I was a serious person who shouldn’t be approached easily.

Later, I met someone in class with similar interests, and we became close friends. The first year was tough, but I learned to loosen up, and the second year became the best of my life. I even used to pick up my friend daily and travel extra distance just to spend time together and play badminton before college.

After college, I started freelancing. I helped my best friend learn everything, even made sample work for him, and he got clients on Upwork. But after that, he slowly stopped making time for me, saying he was busy. After a month of excuses, I got frustrated and cut him off. Months later, I reached out again, but things never became the same.

To deal with depression, I started going to the gym and playing badminton. I made another friend there and we bonded, even though we were different. A time came when he didn't had a transport to come to the gym because his "mamo" was fighting cancer, during those days i was there with him to confort him and even used to help him with transport every day (traveling 7+km just for him) for months. My parents even said I was doing too much, but i didn't listened.

Now I feel like I always do a lot for others, but I get nothing in return. I’m still lonely. I want to go out with friends, but I’ve gotten so used to staying inside that I don’t even feel like going out anymore. And when I ask friends to play games, they always say they’re busy.