i moved somewhere new and now i feel more trapped than before

So i'm 21F and few months ago i came to live with my aunt in a different country, thought maybe a fresh start would be good for me you know

but somehow i feel lonelier here than i ever did back home, my aunt is really kind and i'm grateful she took me in but she's also very strict about everything. like what i wear when i go out, who i talk to, even how late i stay up sometimes

i get it she's trying to protect me and this place is pretty conservative so i have to be careful, but i grew up differently and it feels like i'm constantly holding my breath around her. i can't really be myself

the thing is i don't even know who "myself" is anymore, i have all these thoughts and feelings that i can't share with anyone here. my cousin is the only person close to my age but even with her i have to be careful what i say

back home i at least had space to think and be alone in a good way, here i'm alone but in this suffocating kind of way where i just sit in my room after work and feel like i'm disappearing

sometimes i wonder if anyone else feels like this, like you're living someone else's version of your life and your real self is just locked away somewhere waiting

i don't know maybe i'm just being dramatic but it's been months and i still feel like a stranger in my own skin

does anyone else feel stuck like this or is it just me