Boyfriend doesn’t initiate intimacy

Hi guys. It’s my first time posting here, I don’t know exactly how it works but I’m hoping to get some positive answers.
So my boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years. We’ve had some issues in the beginning but eventually everything got fixed and we went on having a great relationship with normal ups and downs obviously.

Now here is my problem. In the beginning we were having great sex with what I would say me initiating more, but it was still kind of mutual. Then we went through a phase of very fun sex and kinks I explored with him for the first time in my life. We were both so into it and I can genuinely say that was so amazing. Now it’s been about a year that he simply doesn’t initiate sex. I am always the one initiating. He is responsive and sex is great when we do it, but it’s really getting me sick always being the one initiating. I feel unwanted, not desirable, ugly and even got to wonder if maybe even my personality is the problem where he might be mentally unattracted to me to the point where he doesn’t feel like initiating. He isn’t very touchy neither, no passionate kissing, only fast pecks, no touching on my body etc. He is responsive when I give him affection tho because he knows I really love affection.

I did try talking to him about it, it never really turned into anything positive as he gets a little defensive, tells me there’s nothing wrong with me, will initiate once and then everything comes back the same. It’s getting terribly heavy on me because I really am just a girl who’s in love and wants to be desired by her man. I don’t feel like he looks at me and finds me beautiful, “hot” to the point of just wanting me.

I tried stopping initiating, when I do he will end up doing it but only when it’s been so long and leaves me with the impression he just needs to get off because it’s been a long time since he “came”. I genuinely don’t think he cheats on me, I also don’t think he masturbates. I know he is a sexual person as a single man, he is very handsome so very easy for him to get women and i’ve gone through his phone in the beginning and saw him chasing and going after women for sex. I know that if he was single he would have sex with girls and way more often than he’s having with me. So it’s not like he’s not a sexual person, or low libido.

I have been in relationships most of my life. Pretty much all the sex i’ve had was with partners and they were still initiating after being together for a while. Some of them sex life wasn’t very great due to different reasons, but I never felt unwanted.

We have a great partnership, we live together most of the time and I do think he loves me. It got to the point where it’s ruining my self esteem and confidence. I stopped taking care of myself recently as I feel it’s a waste of time because no matter how nice I dress, how well I take care of my body or look good doesn’t change anything. One time he told me we were arguing too much and it was messing with him mentally. So I stopped saying anything, no more arguments and it still hasn’t changed nothing. No matter what I do, how I am, doesn’t have him initiating unless it’s been like a month and he needs to get off. Has anyone been through anything similar and it got better? Does it get worse? I can’t adress it anymore as it’s already been adressed a couple of times. I have moments of extreme downs and I can’t control my pain/anger/self-hate.

Hope to find some helpful answers in here.