Am I (20f) right to be angry about my mom's (43f) reaction to me seeing my boyfriend (21m) this weekend?

Sorry for the long post.

I (20f) met my boyfriend (21m) 7 years ago through a video game we both loved, but we've only been dating for a year and a half. I've wanted to meet him in person for the longest time, and both of my parents (43f and 41m) know this. I got to seriously planning the whole trip in May and was going to tell my mom about it during memorial day weekend, right before my 20th birthday, but then my grandmother had a stroke and ended up in the hospital for weeks.

I bring my grandmother up as background context, because even though my mom and I are not close to her, my mom is basically the only family member my grandmother has that has been willing to take care of her and run errands for her (aside from me, though my mom has done far more). Even though my mom and I are closer, I sometimes feel like I have to walk on eggshells when it comes to telling her things because sometimes I don't know how she's going to react. I understand she's going through a lot rn, especially with her boyfriend dying a year ago and now the added stress of my textbook narcissist grandmother practically badmouthing her and distrusting her even with all that my mom is doing for her.

But when I told my mom I was leaving for 4 days at the end of the month two weeks prior to the actual trip, she became distraught. She told me she's not going to stop me from going but that I'm incredibly selfish for planning something like this in the middle of a family crisis, though given my grandmother had the stroke after I decided I was going to see my boyfriend. She feels like it was sprung on her last minute, even though the trip was two weeks away at that point. And admittedly I regret not telling her sooner and have acknowledged it probably wasn't smart of me to wait so long to say anything. I also promised that in the future, I will speak of things earlier than not. But like I mentioned before, I was really worried I'd have to refund the trip because of what's been going on with my grandmother. Except now she's in a nursing home and my mom has completely cut contact with her, so it wouldn't make sense for me to put something meaningful to me on the line for something that's now out of my control.

I apologized for taking so long to say anything, then I ended up telling my dad (my parents aren't together). On the contrary, he's actually interested in the trip and wanted to know what we were doing. I ended up spending Father's Day weekend with him and planned on making a cohesive list of things my family and friends need to know before I actually leave, and then my mom texted me before I had to go to work saying whenever I came back home, we needed to have a serious discussion.

She told me that she doesn't like the fact that she doesn't know so much about the trip and that I'm traveling alone. She's disgusted with my boyfriend for "making" me travel out of state to see him, even though it was my idea to see him and he's paying for all of our activities while I pay for my ticket. When my mom was voicing her concerns, I told her I understood how she felt and why she would be nervous, and I agreed to write that list for her so she knows addresses, names of flights, everything, which I already planned on doing before I left anyways. She basically knows more than anyone else who knows I'm leaving. Even my dad.

What I have a problem with is that she's making me feel guilty for trying to live my life and meet someone in person I've known for years. She called me selfish again on Monday night, telling me with all that she's going through, she doesn't want to worry about losing me when she's already lost her dad and boyfriend. I've prepared everything, and my friends even offered to take me to the airport so I won't have to pay a parking fee (plus they said I'd be doing them a favor anyways). The only time I'll be truly alone is while on the plane. My mom and I talked again yesterday, and I apologized again and gave her more details and asked her what else I could tell her that would make her more comfortable, then told her those things. But as soon as I mentioned that I had gotten some travelling tips from my dad's gf who always visits my dad's house, she got jealous and angry and asked me why I told her before I told my own mother. Which isn't what I said at all and is simply not true.

I told my mom about the trip before I told anyone else. She knows more details about it than my dad's gf. But my mom wouldn't listen to me and told me, "Well, it's clear that you're closer to other people, and that's fine." And when I told her that's not what I said, she basically told me I didn't need to say it and that my actions spoke louder than my words did. I didn't even try to call her out for being jealous or anything, I just went back to my room and cried. I feel like it's unfair that she's acting like that when she usually is the main older adult that I consult when I have questions about things or need to tell her stuff about my personal life. Or need to vent. She was the first to know about the trip, even. I understand she's going through a lot right now, but I don't think it justifies the way she's treating me. Because anytime I've gone through a tough time, I wasn't given that same grace. She even called me lazy at one point and told me to shut the fuck up when I tried to defend myself.

So the advice (preferably brutally honest) I really need here is, what do I do now to fix things? I want to meet the love of my life and take what precautions I can to ensure I stay safe on my trip as a mostly solo traveler, but I also want to fix this rift that's been wedged between my mom and I. I almost feel like it doesn't matter if I try to tell her how I really feel, and I'm going to end up being talked over. Maybe she'll apologize, but I just feel like in the end, there's going to be something else that's gonna cause an argument between us again and we'll go through this same cycle. She says she doesn't want to lose me as well as her bf, but this kind of behavior makes me not want to talk to her about things at all.