Starting next week and I am scared

Hi all, I apologize, this will be wordy-

I am just hoping to get a better idea of what I may be in for on a personal/internal level once sessions officially begin. I have been seeking EMDR since about 2019 & I am so so glad it's finally coming to fruition BUT I am also scaring the socks off myself about it. I'm in an ideal place in life to do it now, but also not ideal at the same time as I am the most isolated & lonely that I have probably ever been. At the same time having a lot of space and time to post-process seems like a positive to me, but I don't have a great interpersonal support system & no supportive family members (however it is growing but in the form of slowly rekindling old friendships + brand new people (so basically prospective friends) which also scares me), nor my copilot kitty who passed on a year ago which has just been impossible, and I mean IMPOSSIBLE & will also have to come up at some point as the whole thing & timing thereof was gut wrenching.

I'm bipolar 2 with (TW*********!) a very close family member's suicide & subsequent trauma from it turning 10 this year, among other horrid unrelated things I haven't even touched with a stick yet. I am honestly SO terrified of what is going to come up in sessions & then being completely alone to process after. I am also dealing with a long-term full body illness that has been excruciatingly slow to decode and sucks to live with.

One great thing is that I am in a women's trauma recovery group that meets every weekday, through which I will doing the EMDR. The team is an incredible resource that I will have for another 10-12 weeks so I am grateful for that.

I am particularly curious about anyone willing to share their experience who is also bipolar 1 or 2, has only suspected but not confirmed CPTSD as well as post-childhood PTSD, reeaally bad hyperarousal, is on the AuDHD spectrum or other compounding comorbidities, is a highly visual person, and/or deals with SI or relative trauma.

I am obsessed with music, I love art, nature, dark humor, films, documentaries, introspective comics, story-driven games. Curious what helps/helped you if you have also experienced EMDR as a lonesome person. Book recs are warmly welcomed too.

I apologize this got so long winded- thank you for taking the time if you have. be well everyone on your journeys regardless xx