Episode Recap: S1 E4: Third Wife in Labor pt2

I’M SHOOK!!

I’ll paint a picture for you—the doctor and Christine are saying they’re excited for the birth. There’s drips happening, Christine is lying down in bed... there’s a bit of action. But Kody is in the corner, texting... and shyly puts the phone down and looks up at the camera.

Next scene—ROBYN is texting, but doesn’t look too happy... She makes the announcement to the handful of kids (nowhere near 15—we’re talking 6 at best) at her house that the baby is coming. One yells ‘yay no school’ and I understand Robyn’s concern. Not only doesn’t she have Kody to herself—she may have to actually look after children.

Any Big Love fans here? I get big Margene vibes from Robyn. 

So... I’m confused here. Meri is at work. She’s looking at leaving to get to the hospital because the birth could be quick.

Kody (you know, the middle-of-the-mall Keith Urban) jumps up and says he’s going to go home, get changed and pick up Aspyn?! I’m sorry, but don’t these folk constantly bleat on about how polygamy gives the family multiple ‘mums’ so everyone is supported when they need it? Right now Christine is going into literal labour and Kody takes the chance to leave her alone?!

Couldn’t Meri (who is on her way) pick up Kody’s bullshit from home—I don’t know, his Sun-In? His leather flip flops??—so he can stay with his labouring wife? He’s not worried about missing the birth??

Oooooh... Christine is wondering if she ‘made a mistake’ with her other home births because this hospital thing is so awesome. The hospital should put that on their Google reviews. It might give them a bigger plyg market!

Now Kody getting home in a hurry makes sense—he’s telling Robyn what’s going on. But it sounds like she’s shocked that she’s going to need to stay put with the gaggle of children. Lady... do you think you’re the main character in this situation?You think Kody should be holding YOUR hand right now?

So... it looks like Christine’s water broke as soon as Kody got home. So HE SHOULD BE HURRYING THE FUCK UP NOW. He’s literally leaving and Robyn starts rattling off all the snacks she has that he could take. For the record: trail mix, granola bars, crackers... Like he’s a fucking toddler.

Robyn follows her boyfriend out of the house to tell him ‘they’re organic’. Is it really the end of the world that the man-child doesn’t want snacks because CHRISTINE’S WATER HAS BROKEN?

Oh right... They’re swapping spit again.

Kody giggles and acts like the cameraman did him dirty because ‘dude—I have a wife in labour and I’m kissing my girlfriend. It’s just awkward.’

And that, folks, perfectly illustrates polygamy. I’m guessing Robyn got over the ‘hurt’ Christine felt about the pashing, huh? She can’t exactly waddle in and catch them, so she’s taking all the attention she can get.

I... am... shocked... pikachu... face...

Another eye roll from me. I don’t know why I’m surprised when they’re clearly using this platform to publicise polygamy.

Roooooobyn (the polygamous princess) set up a dollhouse for the girls and ‘they’re all fighting over the mummies because there’s one daddy doll because polygamy bla bla bla we’re better’.

Or... hear me out... Every little girl has more Barbies than Kens. Not just the plyg ones.

She makes the point that they need to ‘share’ the Daddy doll because they need to share Kody too. But go off on your little dollhouse experiment, Robyn. Be sure to text Kody about it now while he’s at the hospital because it’s soooooo important.

Janelle just got home. She says something. It’s inconsequential. Something about the hospital probably not wanting 20 visitors at once. Thanks for that important announcement.

I’ve been trying, but I’ve always thought of Kody as having 3 wives because I always forget about Janelle. 

She’s talking again, but it’s about the birth or something. It’s go time finally!!

Christine says she’s not ready and grabs onto Kody. We all know she’s not ready to give up Kody again. He might not want to be around you for a bit, seeing as the baby will take priority over him (in Christine’s eyes) and he has another wife that he kisses, so...

Truley Brown has been born. Not very brown at all. I’d say pink.

Aspyn is loving it. She’s genuinely enjoying being part of the moment.

When the announcement hits the household, Robyn looks like she’s willing to leave her own kids behind if it means she can see Kody again. Imagine if you were on the birthing unit and saw this mass of folk visiting that late at night?!

How am I meant to get to season 20 with this shitshow?!