I lost some and won some

I posted a few days ago that I’m supposed to fly Peach from Tokyo to Okinawa on an Airbus. I got so messed up in my head about it and I really couldn’t not go (for work) that I decided anticipatory anxiety is worse than flying and booked an earlier flight with ANA (Dreamliner). The flight was great and all the safety cues made it possible for me to endure it. I consider it a loss to my fear that I didn’t take my original flight.

Then, as soon as we landed, I got an email that the event we came for got cancelled due to an approaching typhoon 😂😱 I already had a car booked and a hotel so I decided to at least stay a night or two.

In a moment of bravery I booked a flight back on the day before the typhoon. Then I spent hours dreading the fact that we have to fly out just as the scary typhoon blob is approaching. (The flights are cancelled tomorrow)

The fact that I didn’t want to go on this trip in the first place (came at the wrong time) but forced myself and then the event got cancelled was all “bad signs” that the whole thing is doomed. Having my preschool son with me was magnifying all my fears times 1000.

This morning we boarded the return flight with ANA again (another Dreamliner). I cried to the flight attendant that I’m scared. She gave me some water and candy and said not to worry (sweet woman).

In the end the flight was super smooth and we’re on our way home.

Not sure if this helps anyone. I powered through even though I considered multiple times taking a ferry or not going. I’m still here. I really wish it didn’t cost this much mental energy.