Ending on good terms is WAY worse than ending on bad terms.

Ending on good terms is 100% worse than bad terms. It is so hard to move on because you don't have anger to fuel you. You still love that person and want to be with them, so breaking up to me feels like grieving someone that is still alive. The real reason behind this post is to help me get back with my ex(I know boo me. But I don't want to move on).

I'm still in highschool and F. My ex oh my gosh is the best person I have ever met in my whole life. He's so perfect, beautiful, nice, funny, super super smart, super duper athletic and he is just all I want. We have been together for 5 months. We recently broke up and I was so surprised because we complimented eachother so well, we were so healthy, no cheating or other girls, and we were such a good couple and he was the perfect boyfriend. We also went to church together, studied together and he made me a better person. I could trust him with anything, and I told him my secrets and true feelings. He would listen to all my problems and comfort me so sweetly, and he is the only person that ever cared for me to that extent. I think about him every car ride, every day in class, in my dreams, and as soon as I woke up. I just loved him so so much. A month before the breakup we kissed(I know. Just a kiss? But for me that was a big step. We were a very slowburn couple). I was like woohoo! we are moving on to the next level, our relationship is so strong yipee!

But then I got the text of doom saying he wanted to break up. Ready for the reason we broke up? He needs to focus on school and his sport. He has a lot of pressure from his family to get into an exceptional college and have perfect grades. His standards for academics and sports are crazy high and he is just extremely busy for these next years. He's really thinking about his future and that's good for him, so I respect his goals and decisions.

And I thought okay why not wait until these stressful years are done and then we get back together once he is ready to handle a relationship? He says that is not something he believes in and that its not right to him. He also is not someone easy to persuade. He is really set on these goals and honestly isn't someone to succumb to his emotions. He also thinks that if we take a break for so long them we wont have a connection when we get together again. I also asked then to just stay together but not text or hangout and to let him focus on his work. But of course, that was a no. We are still friends though, and on good terms.

The day we broke up we even texted and called after and he was so nice. He said he still loves me but has to stop his feelings. He told me he feels guilty, and that its hard on him, but it is something he has to do. I cried every day and I can not believe it. I have zero appetite, mope in my bed and don't have energy to do anything. I am so sad when I think about the fact that I won't be able to have my perfect boy in my life.

I reminisce about the touch of his arms hugging my back, the sound of his gentle breathing and his comforting voice. Some part of me wishes that he did something bad so I could hate him and find someone better. But I don't hate him, I love him with all my heart.

We still text about every day for random things, and I've sent embarrassing texts in the middle of the night talking about how sad I am, how much he means to me and how I can't move on. And each time I ask him if we can get back together in the future, he just says no. He tells me to move on and that I will find someone better. But I don't want someone else because he is the most perfect person ever. I'm not mad at him at all because I know he is under so much pressure, but I just want to change his mind. I can't picture a future with out him, and I would do anything to keep him. How can I convince him? How do I get him back? Do I play the long game as his friend?