I’m sad and disappointed in myself

No one stays in my life and it’s usually my fault. I’m really working on regulating my emotions, communicating through conflict, accountability, being honest (that’s not going well), but I still can’t respect people’s boundaries. Someone tells me to leave them alone? I literally can’t. Someone tells me to stop doing something because it causes them distress? I can’t. Stop lying? I can’t. Stop deflecting? I can’t!!! Stop making others responsible for my poor reactions? I LITERALLY CANT STOP. it eventually ruins every relationship and friendship I have. I am so afraid of others hurting me that I hurt them first and discard them to protect myself from the immense pain their loss will cause me. I know that is incredibly unhealthy but that’s how I handle any perceived feelings of rejection. I am also incredibly manipulative without intending to be, and I’m understanding now that is something I learned to do to be safe as a child. I wish I could give myself a lobotomy and scramble the ever loving fuck out of the parts of my brain that cause me to be like this. I don’t think anything will ever change me