How bad of a person I am para ma experience lahat to?

Hi,

just wanted to share my life story. Let me start when my Mom died due to childbirth(the child she gives birth is me), so ever since I never met her talaga. Then, I have my step father who’s my “legal” father on papers but not biologically my father nakasal lng sila ng nanay ko kaya after my mom died he fled and never came back na rin. However, my mom wrote a letter before she passed about whose my real father is and she even has a photo of him. My mom was a japayuki before, she stayed in Japan for 6 months and based on her letter that’s when she met my Japanese Father. I grew up trying to look for him and luckily when I turned 16 year 2022 nakahanap ko siya thru social media platform. We never yet reunited kasi we are trying to process every legal process para ma recognized ako, and just recently which is 4 yrs after I find him we did the DNA test. The result really shattered all my hopes and dreams, lahat nagbago sa isang resulta lang. It turns out negative ung resulta, 0.00% ung results. For 20 yrs ng buhay ko, akala ko kilala ko yung totoong tatay ko. I was so patient sa lahat kasi akala ko there will be better days, all of the waiting will be worth it. Nakakahiyaaa ksi right now I am currently nasa puder ng parents ng new wife ng “i-though-my-japanese-father” ko.

Nakakapanglumo kasi in just a split seconds parang ang daming nangyare. Mas okay pa sana kung khit naging totoong tatay ko nlng step dad ko and I was totally abandoned by him, at least alam ko sino tatay ko diba? mas masakit pa, umasa ako e bcoz I thought finally ito na yun. Kung sana hindi pala para sakin, sana hindi nlng ako binigyan ng hope. It really took a lot from me, when I was 16 umalis ako sa relatives ko sa Davao and transferred here sa Luzon kasi yun ang request ng Japanese father ko. Takot ako nung pumunta ako dito but excited and puno ng pag asa but now, all I can feel ay takot sa future ko. Wala akong any support dito.