Coping with his music.

I'm not looking for answers. I want to share because I'm moved. I was really into Ugly Is Beautiful when it came out. It was kind of the soundtrack for committing to a path abroad away from my OG family and starting my own. I thought I was eeriely following a similar path to the Kleins from H3H3 and Oliver grabbed hold of me.

After two kids and grinding at work for a few years, I couldn't keep up with podcasts or even listen to music. Years past and my sister passed away suddenly, which opened to door for my OG family again. It was rough. Politics, when I'm trying to mourn the One & Only who would listen to me. I couldn't really process her passing outside of 10-minute windows on the train or platform for my commute. I got back into music for the feels.

When Oliver died, I was stunned like everyone else. "I thought there would be more time to catch up, more laughs and memories to share" is the sentiment tying the two deaths. Discovering his later albums and listening to his lyrics were intense. I'm a filmmaker by trade too so the music video angle, combined with being 6 years younger than me-- uncompromising in his vision... I'm assessing myself all the time, but never acting on it. Be a present father or work more OT, I often chose the latter. 'Smile'.

The day he died, I was wrapping up a hard week of due-tomorrow requests while my employer dgaf about me throwing out my back, tonsillitis, or mouth sores I was trying to weather. Then my family vacation started and I got to feel EVERYTHING all at once. Having time to learn about him on the plane, reading y'alls comments about hiw he changed your lives.

Why am I crying over Oliver tree, who I hadn't listened to in years? Maybe I'm a lil bitch-- maybe it's losing my sister last year, or realizing I haven't been there as much as i should have for my wife and kids, or maybe its just that dude rocked his life so hard, I can't help but want to live more like how he did.

I'm all mixed up inside, maybe you might be too. There's no shame in feeling what hes singing about. That's why he made it and lived the way he did. I love that. Even if I get choked up on the train on Monday, I'm living it. From this altitude, it looks like he's blowing fat clouds from beyond. God bless Oliver Tree.