Grief After 7 Months - Vent

My grief is compounded.

In October of last year, I thought I was having a heart attack and was rushed to the hospital in an ambulance at 2AM. They wrote it off as anxiety, but my health watch pointed to something else — an unexpected pregnancy that I ultimately accepted and became excited about. Come mid-November, I started miscarrying two days before my 27th birthday. The pregnancy put a lot of strain on my relationship with the baby’s dad, and a few days later we split. The following morning, I received several life-altering medical diagnoses related to a genetic disorder I have. I lost so much in such a short period — my baby, my partner, my health, my future.

It’s now 7 months later. I’ve been in absolute survival mode with work, health, family, and my 3 living kiddos. But now the grief is overflowing. My ex doesn’t speak to me anymore and that’s been really hard with his birthday coming up next week, Father’s Day recently passed, and our baby would have been due in less than a month.

I’ve been in grief/art therapy for months with little progress. Everyone says I’ll get over the miscarriage, but it’s not just something that happened and ended. It left an impression everywhere — it led to thousands in medical bills that I’m still paying off, it sits in doctor appointments and the meds I have to take for the rest of my life because my heart never returned to normal after the pregnancy, my summer is plagued by dates of celebrations that would have been. My heart genuinely feels heavy and my mind feels stuck trying to solve an impossible puzzle. I’m fkn exhausted and angry and hurting. Why couldn’t my body sustain the baby’s little life? How come when it rains, it pours? Does anyone have advice other than ‘time will heal’?