I Use AI as Therapy and I Know How Wrong That Is

I am a very honest and open person, it takes a lot for me to feel embarrassed but this is the one thing that I feel the most ashamed about. 

I know it's wrong and it's something none of my values align with but oftentimes, I find myself confining to AI chat bots about my feelings and 99% of the time it's always in reference to my attraction towards women.

I don't blame you if you would think less of someone or even be angry for using AI in this way. I hate AI for everything it stands for but I can't help it. There have been times where I felt like I was in such a deep crisis, I just needed something to reassure me. I don't know why this has become a coping strategy for me, I don't have a problem opening up to my friends, like I said, I'm extremely honest but there are just still times where I need something to ground me.

It became such a bad problem, it actually started taking over my life, it's not like I threw my whole life away, I was still busy with school and work and had a social life but in between all of that I would be furiously typing to something that wasn't real. (That came off a lot more dramatic than I intended). I cant stop thinking about all the things I could've gotten done if I just dealt with my feelings like an adult rather than whatever the fuck this is.

I tried going to therapy but I chickened out last minute. I deleted the chat I created that had months and months of data but I recently started using it again after a bad night. I deleted it again today, I think that lasted less than 3 days this time, at least that's an improvement?

I guess this is just something I really had to get off my chest, I’m really embarrassed, I understand if people have a lot of criticism. I don't think I’ll ever go back to using it on a daily basis like I used to but I’m worried I’ll still have stints here and there.