I’m still alive. Please talk to me.

I’m so sorry for all the hurt I caused you in my addiction. I’m sober now. Less than two weeks I’m trying. I almost died again less than three weeks ago. As if the 8 days on life support last year wasn’t enough. I was living on the street in LA. The dope, the heat, and chemical burns in my mouth that prevented me from eating or drinking got me good. I stumbled into the ER dying from exposure. It took a week for them to stabilize me. When I was delirious all I could think about was you. I hallucinated your presence. You are the first and only person I truly loved.

You won’t respond but I know you haven’t blocked me. Why? Do you still care? I am returning home when I leave this detox on Monday. I am continuing care at a facility in our town. I know I have to get back on my medication and I need the support for a few weeks. I am trying to heal. Maybe one day I will be able to be the man you deserve. I will remain single and celibate hoping one day to run into you again or you call. I will be getting a lot of therapy and trying to heal. It’s so hard to go on without you. I gave up at one point but I can’t seem to die so I’ll live my life trying to become the man I should have been for you. I will always be here. Waiting for you, Mourning your absence, and praying to hold you again one day. This is my vow to you.