Are my emotions less painful than if I had explosive meltdowns?

Hello everyone,
I'm autistic, diagnosed at 3 but I never had a single explosive meltdown with screaming, throwing stuff or hitting myself or people etc.
My feelings all stay blocked inside.
I often feel very bad, scared, etc but do people who have meltdowns suffer more than me?
It's a very honest question, you can tell me the true answer, not just the acceptable one.
I know there are shut downs, but I don't really know what it looks like. Or I'm in permanent shut down.
And I feel like if your feelings are not explosive, absolutely no one notices any of them.
Thanks!