First real friend I had in a while… and she vanished randomly

Growing up, I had never really had many friends. While I had the usual few kids I hung out with at school, I was never allowed to go to their houses, or have them over at my house. My parents didn’t want me going to someone’s house they did know, yet they refused to even bother getting to know them. So you can imagine how it felt seeing the chemistry between me and my friends, versus them and their friends who they always hung out with. It got worse when Covid came around, and I was virtual schooled. While the friends I was with weren’t the best of friends, I still had a falling out with a group of friends that I’d known throughout the past two grades. At that point, I practically had no friends, only entertainment I had was jumping from Xbox group post to group post. I had a few people online I talked to, yet I couldn’t comfortably call them my friend. It felt wrong, the fear of them not feeling the same, and then I just look like I’m obsessed or taking things too seriously. It continued as these online groups stopped acknowledging me or fell apart, then I moved to a new one. In the most recent group, it was still the same. I almost felt burden-like, where everyone immediately got upset upon me joining the discord call/xbox parties. While I had no proof for this, past experiences shaped this theory in my mind. Then it was like everything changed in April 2025, when I met her. She was different, and crazily enough, she used to hate me. Slowly, we started to become friends, as we talked a million times a day in the coming months. It felt different now, I finally had someone who saw me. “Hey are you getting on today?”, and “Let me know when your home, I’d love to play that game more!”, “It’s okay, tell me what’s wrong”, all things she went out of her way to say. Not after I had messaged her, no, SHE would start these conversations with me, something I had never experienced before. She was the first person that I could finally comfortably say was my “friend”, hell, even “best friend”. We’d sit in call from the moments we woke up, to the moments we went to bed. My sleep schedule might’ve been horrific, but it was worth it to have as much fun with her and I was having. Then, it all changed around February/March of this year. She had her sights on a guy, and I was super supportive. After all, I only saw her as a good friend, nothing more. But, things slowed down. She’d text me fewer, send fewer memes, and leave my messages on delivered for days, things that were rare with her. One day, she would text me that she finally got with the guy. I was happy for her, but a gut feeling told me something, that me and her would maybe become a little distant. Unfortunately, I was right, but also wrong. While we became distant, it wasn’t by a little. It’s been months now, and all messages I’ve sent to her are all on delivered/sent. The fact we went from texting almost every hour, to her now not even bothering to open my messages. She’s still active on her accounts, she even unfollowed me and a few other of our online pals on Instagram, something you’d have to go out of your way to do. This absolutely crushed me, the person I had finally felt comfortable to vent to, the person who went to me when she needed to vent about her life and friends, just gone like nothing ever happened. She never even told me anything, only excuses. A bit before she vanished, she told me she was fairly busy, yet too busy she couldn’t even read a text from her “best friend”? This basically broke my trust, where now I feel like it’ll just repeat with anybody else I get close with. Worst part, I feel like it was my fault. Was it something I said? Something I did? Was I just too much? The questions that keep me awake. The group I’m in swears up and down she’s the problem, since she’s had this pattern in the past, but I can’t help but feel as if I break everything I touch, and our relationship was an example. I have tried to make friends in real life, and it has been almost all failures, with the exceptional person who is an asshole, yet swears they’re “just joking”. It just feels like nothing lasts forever, and I’m tired of it. Just want someone I can spend time with, who won’t dip randomly with no explanation