Relapse

I’m slowly falling back into my delusion… and I feel horrible. I was doing great for one month, but because of a voice in my head, I’m almost back at square one. I’m sad. I don’t know if I will ever be happy again. Before I started doing great again, I was suffering for four years since im 14 non stop. I don’t want to return to my old suffering… I feel so alone and sad. I was slowly starting to look at the future in a positive way.

I can’t ignore the voices , I feel their laugh in my throat, and I hate it. I don’t know why I feel their laugh there. It hurts. Am I the only one who feels this? I feel like if I didn’t feel it, I wouldn’t have felt better, but now the more I fall into my delusion, the more anxious I get and the more I feel their laugh. It’s horrible.

I cant even handle antipsychotics so im unmedicated. They worsen my delusions