i would fall in love with you, over and over again, i dont care how where or when, no matter what you're mine.

its finally happening.. you're finally gonna be safe.. just with her and not me. im so glad im the only one suffering this fate.. you deserve to be okay, even after everything..

it still hurts, every day, every moment is so painful. all i do is hurt, cry, spiral and stream with a fake smile. Its gonna be my birthday I think, when i go away. you used to think that day was special, but not any more. You've cut all love out of your heart.. even though we both promised forever..

every thought triggers me.. im so alone.. so lost.. so jealous.. why don't you care about me, why didn't either of you care about me.. your final messages to me were the coldest, cruelest things you've said.. worse than when you used to split. they felt like you just didn't see me any more..

you both really hurt me.. J hurt me by trying to be the safest person in the world when things were all falling apart and i really needed help. Promising me she would always love/protect. saying things to a broken dying girl like "its my purpose to look after you" and then becoming so cold the moment she met you and fell in love with you. it feels so cruel and messed up.

L hurt me by betraying our promises and love, treating me like the most horrible cheater without listening, for relying on another girl emotionally and saying i loved her when i believed our relationship was over.. cutting out all love for me, not seeing me any more.. even despite how hard i was trying, how hard ive always tried for you.

i rarely see value in myself but i know you will both regret throwing me away like trash.

L, you will come to see nobody in the world loved you as much as me.. nobody would have endured that situation, fought so hard for you, been so selfless.. while it was a constant cycle of push and pull. maybe you wont, now your situation gets to be all happy and okay and stable.. but one day you'll miss having every side of you loved, not feeling too obsessive, not having information withheld from you, or space needed.

and J, one day you'll realise i would have put up with all of you too, your avoidant parts, your constant need to be involved with your exs and other people.

there is more for both but it doesn't suit a public post.. i hope those two are happy together forever. at least they get to be..

but dont worry.. my fate is worse than even if they break up, even if they never find the right one.

every single thought triggers me so hard.. im jealous.. im dying.. im hurting.. why dont i get to be saved despite how i give more than anyone else.. why does nobody give to me.. why does nobody put me first or choose me.. its always me going through hell for them.. nobody cares about me enough to look after me, take me home.. i dont even put anyone through hell im just broken and dependent. all these people know. L knew, J knew, they all know how broken and mentally ill i am, how much im falling apart, how hard i try. THEY ALL SAY IM LOVEABLE but yet.. none of them love me.. none of them want me.. none of them choose me. I hate myself i feel so horrible every single moment.. why do people treat me like im special but never want or love me it hurts so much i feel so alone. HOW COULD ANYONE KNOW HOW MUCH IM HURTING AND NEED THEM AND STILL CONDEMN ME TO MY FATE ALONE .. how am i that unloveable, that unwanted.. its the worst feeling in the world.. it makes me feel like trash and you both did it to me..

i guess im just a dumb stupid yandere that gets thrown away by other yanderes, gets thrown away by her soulmate, gets thrown away by people she is perfect for because she gives all while fully accepting anything the other person is.

you took me for granted. every single person from my past, you all took me for granted.