Did anyone else's parent make black and white statements about their personality, i.e., statements starting with "always" or "never"?
What is the reason behind some parents insulting their entire kids personality based on an insignificant situation or mistake? For example, when I was younger, if I got a 100 on a test instead of a 105, I would be told, "You are always so lazy and you never study enough." Another example is that I would forget to do a chore and suddenly I was a lazy and incompetent person who didn't care about anyone else. It's almost like the worst possible interpretation of my intentions was always true with 0 room for being given the benefit of the doubt.
While the words were already harsh in situations where I didn't do anything wrong, the comments and insults would be on a whole other level if I did make a true mistake. Despite the punishments or words being disproportionately harsh based on the situation, it was almost like making one mistake gave permission to completely go off and ignore all kinds of nuance. Sometimes I wonder if they were waiting for an opportunity to unleash all this anger and use a small mistake as a shield. I am also wondering what the term for this is called. If anyone knows, please let me know. Also, how did it impact you guys (e.g: toxic shame, perfectionism, anxiety, etc.)?
Posted Jun 25, 2026, 7:04 AM UTC