Wife broke down in tears after she read my personal diary. Am I wrong for telling her it was an invasion of privacy?

My wife and I have been married for over a decade and we have 2 young kids. I have been journaling since I was a kid. What I write in there is extremely personal, and I wouldn’t be comfortable with anyone reading that.

Well last night, we were having dinner and my wife just broke down in tears pretty badly. She admitted she had read some of journals, and I panicked because what I write there is messed up, but it’s just my personal thoughts, and I don’t even believe most of what I write. I asked my wife what she read, and it was admittedly bad, but it was my ranting personal thoughts, mostly when drunk.

For example, I wrote a few times about how I wished I wasn’t married to my wife and how I was never in love with her. I wrote about forcing myself to be attracted to her, and how for other random women I can be attracted to in an instant but with my wife, I need to force myself to be attracted to her. I wrote about how I wished my wife had a cuter face, and a nicer personality like my sister. I wrote about asking for open marriage.

Obviously these are all random thoughts written over the course of years. Most of them I write when drunk, or when my wife and I had a small argument. I don’t believe most of what I write. But my wife has been a mess since reading them. I don’t agree with any of what I wrote because I’m completely attracted to my wife and am in love with her.

I just don’t think it’s fair that I’m made to be a bad guy because by all accounts I have been a loving husband and father, we just celebrated my wife’s birthday last week and it was extremely romantic and my wife admitted it was one of her best days ever. I just don’t understand why a personal diary should ruin all that.

I told my wife what she did was an invasion of privacy and that it isn’t fair that she’s making me feel guilty and like a horrible person.