Where is the line?

I don’t know how to speak the truth about what’s going on to you. There’s so much context and I believe her when she says she doesn’t remember what she does in fits of rage and when she’s in her mentally ill state… but I carry it inside. I am extremely resilient, but it’s chipped away at me these last 8 years. I’m very good at moving forward, not ignoring. I made a vow for in sickness and in health. But my goodness has she been making it hard. It’s like I have 3 kids instead of 2.

I don’t tell her things anymore. Every time I have something I’m excited about, or something important to/for me, she always has some kind of an attitude crisis that just completely derails everything.

My chest hurts all the time. My beard and hair have been greying since we got married 8 years ago. There’s so much more I can’t get into right now but I’m 90% sure she won’t remember what she said and did to me tonight.

My question for you guys is, wheres the line between being abused and bearing the brunt of (a) mental illness(es)?

For those that care, she was medicated when I met her and it masked a lot of her symptoms. She keeps stop/starting her meds and doesn’t take them consistently.

i don’t know what I hope to get out of this. I don’t have people in real life.