How do you move forward?

This is pretty embarrassing for me but I don’t know where else to vent or at least get an outside perspective.

Me (26 F) and my bf (27 M) have been together for 5 years, just recently turned 5 years. We met when we were about 14/15 and lived in different cities, but because close friends and maintained contact throughout that entire time. We started officially dating in 2021 and I thought we had the perfect relationship. He never disrespected me, spoiled me, supported me, and genuinely marked every single thing of the list that I looked for in a partner. We didn’t have any issues and were practically best friends.

Even before we officially started dating he was always respectful, kind, shy, and friendly. We got closer in 2020, still long distance but he’d come visit me, txting everyday, and video calls constantly. He always made an effort to see me or talk to me or ask about what I had going on. We moved in together in 2023 and again we had no issues, we both started new jobs and things were still pretty good. I want to say late 2024 and early 2025 I noticed a change. He didn’t really like taking pictures with me anymore, stopped sharing his location, removed a bubble in instagram that he dedicated to me, and just overall seemed a lot more distant. I got a new job and moved to a different city and he would visit me at least 2 times a week but his communication and updates were lacking. A lot was going on that just didn’t make sense and I would bring it up and he would say that those things aren’t a big deal and there’s more to relationships, but he is the one that built our relationship to include all of those things. He was never one to not take random pictures of me or cuddle me or call me etc. so I thought that was weird and tried my best to communicate with him.

I’d like to add we have never checked each other’s phones, as I never saw the need to. But once things started shifting I decided I was going to check his phone, he had an old one at our house that was connected to his apple cloud. We are currently long distance in different states due to job opportunities. Anyways I looked through his phone may if this year and I found messages between him and various female coworkers, where he would flirt with them and ask them about their day etc all while I was begging for attention and interest. I also found messages on Facebook and instagram with random women where they would send him nudes (the ones I found were from 2025). I also found messages between him and this girl that I thought was just a friend prior to us dating, but she was actually his ex. He maintained contact with her our entire relationship. He even put her as his wallpaper and screen recorded it and then sent it to her but then removed her right away and this was dayysssss before our 4 years anniversary where he surprised me with a 100 rose bouquet. He states he wouldn’t talk to her 24/7 but at least once a year she would reach out and he would answer her, as well as flirt with her. Apparently they were on and off for 2 years! From 2018-2020 and he never once mentioned she was actually a girlfriend instead of a friend. He mentions because he never officially asked her out but they were hooking up. But he says he ended it completely with her early 2020 before me and him got closer.

Regardless I confronted him and he apologized and went on to say I deserve better and what not. He deleted all of his social media (a decision he made on his own) and since then we have talked more about things and he has been honest and up front about everything. He says there was no physical cheating and none of the conversations or women mean anything to him. He also mentioned he does not want anything to do with his ex. I’d like to note he is my first boyfriend and therefore my first in many other ways. He never mentioned that he had already been having relations with another woman, his ex and I thought we both shared that together.

We have of course talked and his driven 9 hours so we could talk in person, he answers all of my questions honestly, and has made a better effort in updating me throughout the day. He is genuinely doing better but obviously my feelings are still hurt. Because if you loved someone why would you do any of that ? Lie at all ? He is my best friend and the person I’ve been sharing a life with for the past 5 years, I mean our next step was marriage and everything else we dreamed of together. I still love him and he tells me that he loves me a lot too but the betrayal just feels so big right now.

In hindsight it might seem not as crazy as other stories, but I was innocent genuinely. Maybe I was naive and didn’t see the red flags but I promise I genuinely didn’t see any. I never once felt like I was settling, I thought I was finally experiencing the love I’ve always wanted and deserved. He is a good guy, I just have to figure out if he’s willing to change and be the good I deserve.

I mean we are working towards reconciliation but I’m also looking for actions and not just words. My main thing is how can I ever trust him ? Forgive him ? How does anyone ever move forward?