37 weeks and mentally exhausted

As the title says, I’m 37 weeks and been preparing for a vbac this whole pregnancy. To summarize, my first birth was an induction at 40 weeks due to a suspected baby. I didn’t move around at all during labor, got an extremely strong epidural, had no urge to push/couldn’t feel what I was doing, and baby girl didn’t descend after 3 hours of pushing. She ended up being 8lb 9oz and was perfectly healthy. I had a PPH requiring a transfusion so I spent the first night in the ICU due to oxygen issues. I have done a lot of research and listening to podcasts and truly believe it was the cascade of intervention and very little information i went into birth with that was the reason behind the c section.
Now, baby #2 is measuring over 99% (I think my family just makes big babies as both my brothers were over 9lbs). The shoulder dystocia discussions are happening. According the providers, it’s my choice between a repeat c section at 39 or 40 weeks, or I can continue with my tolac plans. I’m grateful they’re not forcing me into anything but it still doesn’t feel like I’m being supported in a tolac. My head is spinning and I just hate being in this position so looking for experiences and outcomes with big babies.