I Miss Him Everyday

I loved him so much. We had such a beautiful bond and connection. I’d never met someone that matched my perfect man so closely before in my life. I’ll never forgot that first date. The night before when we were on the phone for hours talking and getting to know each other. Falling asleep on the phone together. Waking up the next day being excited to see him. Getting nervous on the train. Walking out the train station and seeing him. When I first saw him I instantly felt that click like he was someone I knew I was going to enjoy my company with. We drove around in his car and spent hours talking. Stopping to eat food and just talk about life. Then driving into town to do something together. We played in the arcade, had dinner, and sat by a bench and spoke some more. That bench was when we kissed. I just remember getting so many butterflies and knowing it felt real instead of a one time thing. Going home was hard that day. I smiled the whole way home thinking that I never wanted the day to end. We then kept going on cute dates, spending time with each other, getting to know each other more. Every moment spent with him was special. It meant the world to me. The conversation we had about issues in our lives, what our dreams and goals were, where we see ourselves in years time.

However timing wasn’t on our side. He was still grieving a family loss. That he was broken inside and couldn’t be in any commitment while repairing himself. I’ll never forgot that night for as long as I live. Him telling me that he cares about me too much to let him hurt me. That I need someone who is stronger and will love me more. That we are a match and compatible. That it’s the right person wrong time. That had we met a year before we would be in a different situation. That he wished and prayed every night that he could love me they way I deserve to be loved. I just remember crying on his shoulder wishing it wasn’t going to end like this. I remember getting to the train station and giving him the biggest and longest hug of my life. That last kiss we gave as he wiped my tears and told me not to be sad it’s over but to be happy it happened. I remember telling him I’ll never forget him and he holds and place in my heart forever and that he’ll always hold a place in his heart for me too. That train ride home was the hardest journey home I’d ever been on. That when I looked out the window everything I was seeing was probably going to be the last time I see it. Everything around me still reminds me of him today. The cafe we used to go to every morning when he’d stay round mine. The park where he told me about his biggest struggles. My workplace where he surprised me with flowers one night because I was having a bad day. Every little thing we did together will always remind me of him.

I miss you everyday. If you ever find it in your heart to come back I will still be here.

I love you❤️‍🩹