I will be relieved when they are gone

Grew up around meth use. My dad did it for as long as i can remember. My mom currently does it, and so does my older brother who lives with me and my mom. They are straight up narcissists. I have memories of my dad doing hateful/harmful things to me and him laughing while doing it. Not even just him, often accompanied by one of his fucked up friends. My mom favorites my older brother (call him Z). Z can and does get away with everything. Nearly 40, no job, and useless as hell.

My dad has been really sick for a long time. Recently he was told by a doctor that he has 6 months to a year to live. My mom wants me to go see him. I don't want to. She says I'll regret it, I've expressed that I will be happy when he is gone. I believe this because he has genuinely done nothing good in this world. The younger of my two brothers (call him J) has downs syndrome and he has lived with my dad for his whole life. He's obese and my dad has done nothing to better J's health.

My mom continues to lie to me, and has lied to me multiple times, specifically about her meth use. She expects me to believe her. She manipulates me. I don't let that happen anymore. I hear everything she says as if it is a lie.

I will be telling my therapist how I feel. That I can't wait for my parents to be gone. I know it doesn't make me a good person in a sense. But I also know that it doesn't make me the worse person in the world. I have principles and morals that I stand by.

That's all.