I miss someone I hurt

So I used to have a crush on this straight coworker and while I knew nothing was gonna happen I had a lot of attraction for her. We grew to become almost friends but had more of an acquainted relationship. I ended up lwk betraying what wouldn’t been a friendship. I slept with someone she used to talk to and while I knew it was a toxic relationship and she told me, I didn’t do it to hurt her or anything. I was drunk hanging out with a group of after work and me and that guy ended up sleeping together. It wasnt out of spite or jealousy, it was more like just cause I could and I wanted to that night and although I never cared about him or anything, I made a wrong choice. He did have a sexual attraction to me and I felt it. I just agreed to be friends with him because I thought I could never cross that line but I did anyways. She obviously found out and we talked, I told her how sorry I was that “I’ll never forgive myself.” She just told me how “I expected it from him but not you” and this fucken hurt my soul. I remember I kept distancing myself from her and she would always try to make conversation. I would always be surprised she would even wanna talk to me. She would say things like “how come you don’t talk to me anymore?” Anyways Its been years since I worked there. I never wanted to hurt her especially like this and I’m so upset about the fact that we could’ve been great friends or something because we both talked naturally and stuff. She was so nice and honest while outgoing with a smile all the time. Sometimes i check her profile out and see how’s she’s doing. Sometimes i cry because im such an idiot. I know it may seem weird and it would be selfish to say I miss her.