My Story

I didn't really think all too much about what I was going to say before writing this out, but I recently brought myself to watch Shelby/Shubble's VOD talking about her experiences with abuse, and it gave me the courage to make my story public. For context, on the Halloween this happened I would've been freshly a teenager. In the middle of October I broke up with my current partner to be with a person I'll call Star.

Star had been in way more relationships than me, and on our first date they convinced me to text our shared-ex boyfriend and break no contact (I think??) for the first time. They also tended to kiss me a lot and we're incredibly clingy, and our first kiss was non-consensual. I wasn't ready when they first kissed me, and I remember it was in the middle of a McDonalds, where I hid my face and played it off as affection when it was actually pure embarrassment.

I to this day still haven't told my parents I am bisexual. They had no idea about me and Star's relationship, they just assumed we were extremely close friends. But due to my own internalised homophobia, despite Star being a trans man I knew my parents still thought of him as a girl. I was scared and thought it would be best to try and break up with Star.

They confronted me about the email in person, and I couldn't explain myself because of how overwhelmed I was. One minute they acted really cold and angry at me and the next they were wiping my tears in the middle of the hallway during lunch.

The immense guilt their behaviours made me feel prompted me to get back together with them about a week before Halloween. The only feelings I had about them were physical at that point, and I tried so hard to try and stay with them.

On the day of Halloween I went with them, their little sister and their mom to a haunted house. Their mom was completely aware of our relationship and how we had broken up for a couple of (weeks, days, who knows). After the haunted house we went back to Star's place. I was (and still am) a big Jack Manifold fan, so we were watching some Jackbox clips and Instagram Reels Bingo videos. About half an hour later, Star asks their little sister to leave.

One part of me and Star's one-sided physical relationship was that it got to the point where they condoned my hypersexuality (they didn't know what it was until I told them) and promoted engaging in acts that flared it (making out, touching my inner thigh in public, etc.). With my consent (which I was not of age to give), they got on top of me and we started making out.

I have tried once to explain this story to my 'main' (not really anymore) group of friends, but they told me I was giving too much information, even after they persisted to ask me. I don't blame them, but I'm just gonna say it bluntly — me and Star were making out, and I was touching myself whilst we did so. I guess in the moment I needed to feel something, anything to convince myself this was right.

When we finished, Star portrayed it as if we had sex. This freaked me out, but in the moment they also painted the whole experience as our own 'dirty little secret', telling me not to tell anyone, yet they hinted it to our one friend who we'll call Galaxy. Galaxy was concerned more than anything, which I thought was a good sign, until after me and Star broke up permanently this time (I can't remember the details of this).

Star and Galaxy had made WhatsApp Channels (one called the [Star] Files, and one that was supposed to be Star's vent channel). Star and Galaxy both co-owned the Star Files, and messages from the Star Files were sometimes forwarded to the vent channel, and vise versa.

Galaxy apologised and we went on no contact for a couple of weeks, whereas Star started saying horrible things about me, regarding how I felt about Star and Galaxy leaving me out constantly.

I'm not mentally capable of going through the dozens of screenshots, but I have a memory of me trying to preach to them about how cyberbulling can kill, and they straight up told me how they wouldn't care if their words killed me. I send a voice message of me crying into a groupchat with the "main friend group" I mentioned before, but I didn't tell them about the emotional elements of forcing myself to pursue a relationship despite needing to get out.

When I became friends with another group of people from about January to maybe March, I told this boy that I liked at the time. Albeit the fact he is my biggest alias (as he knew that Star technically SA'd me), he decided to tell his soon to be girlfriend (sucks to be me, I know), who when asked what Star did, blatantly said "sexual assault". People knew, and I wasn't ready, but it didn't even seem like they cared. It'd become such a normal thing to experience trauma that no one advocates for victims anymore.

FYI, before I post, Galaxy is doing well. They've recovered (maybe still slightly recovering??) and I'm in a happy relationship where I don't feel guilt or shame. Only pride.​

Feel free to ask questions.