Im so tired.

14 years and counting and I am so heartbroken

I been walking with the Lord for a little over 14 years. I haven't been perfect but I have been faithful. I was 21 now I am 34 and still single. I never thought I would still be single at this age. It's embarrassing and heartbreaking. Being single isn't bad but Im so lonely it hurts. I have been grieving the life I thought I would have for 6 years now. I hate my birthday because it's just another reminder of another year spent alone and walking into a new one alone. I know that God is good. But Im slowly losing hope and hanging on by a thread. I have put myself out there. Nothing. I tried dating. Nothing. Let go of the idea of marriage for God to tell me to pray about it still and nothing. I know this desire is from God because I didn't want this before walking with him. But now I mostly cry and ask him to take the desire away. I use to want a wedding and had everything planned. I let go of that. I use to talk about kids and wanting to be a mom. That desire is gone. I never wanted to have kids at this age and now I don't see the point. Im scared to get excited about it anymore because the only thing that has followed is disappointment and heartache. So I don't hope for it anymore. It's taken a toll on my relationship with God because why would he give a desire and not fulfill it? It doesn't make sense. Amd honestly I just want it to go away to to never return. But God won't do that either. Im really sad and just looking for words of encouragement. Or someone with a similar story