Post Sexual Gooning (Enlightenment)

Posting this to my profile instead.

I think there’s a kind of horseshoe gooner post-sexual clarity that made me lean a bit towards understanding what the semen retention and nofap communities were getting at, and also why they're just as retarded as gooners. Let me explain. I’ve been a lifelong gooner from the moment I came out of the womb. A perfect Freudian archetype. Combined with excessive openness and ADHD, this made me familiar with all sorts of genres.

I think most of us are now familiar with the idea that attraction isn’t really crystallised. I no longer believe that I, or anyone else, has this “fixed” mode of attraction, whether it’s fetishes or the genders you’re attracted to. At some point, we all see a fetish and think it’s gross, but at least for me I came to the conclusion that I can quite easily condition myself into it.

It seems scary because once you realise it’s something you can be conditioned into, you start thinking it’s now an innate part of you. I don’t really think that’s the case anymore, but I digress. Topic for another time.

So what this led to is that I gooned to all sorts of things. The thing that stays the same is the process. The attraction or arousal. The only real difference is the post-nut clarity. The more I felt the subject matter was something I wasn’t proud of, the more depressing the experience felt afterwards. Likewise, the more fulfilling the material, the better I felt afterwards.

Now, on meth, I noticed that when doing normal tasks, all the ADHD-esque traits are gone. Writing this now, I feel much more compelled to finish my point, even though I’d like to jump on to a related subject. All the “fear of missing something” is gone. Interestingly, when gooning, this seems kind of reversed. I can easily goon to one thing while sober, but stimfapping becomes ADHDoid non-gooning, where I just need to nut to the best thing. So it kind of diverges into endless browsing. There’s this sort of desire to find "meaning” if you will.

For example, let’s say someone starts with femboy porn. They obviously do the thing and browse the sub from top to bottom, but there’s this sense of unfulfilment with the aforementioned material, so you go off on a tangent related to the aspect of attraction you felt, independent from the sum of its parts. Why exactly do I find something here arousing? That obviously leads to searching other genres, and so on.

After that, I find that I’ve created some sort of tree of attraction in gooning. Every fetish has something that innately makes it arousing. Take something vanilla, for example. Boobs. When you see people describe what they like about boobs, there’s this sort of ambiguity. People go from “they’re squishy,” to shape, to scent, to function, to other parts. The same applies to cum or any other bodily fluid. They all seem to have an intersectional sense of attraction that isn’t really describable or dependent on the atomic arrangement of the source.

That’s why, for example, the question “is it gay to like femboys?” isn’t as stupid as everyone thinks. I mean yeah you can say obviously, that’s a dude. But doesn’t he look like a girl? You can then make excuses like, oh, the voice, the genitals, whatever. But then you miss the whole point. Let’s say something looks like a girl, acts like a girl, sounds like a girl, and can be interacted with as a girl, yet in essence is a “dude.” Think of it like a Ship of Theseus, where a dude slowly turns into what you perceive as a girl. Would you be gay then?

So the conclusion would be that actually none of it matters, since the sense of arousal seems completely independent of the subject to which it's directed at, like a Hess’s law of gooning. The mode of arousal is independent of the route taken. The horny man strives for a woman during abundance, yet in scarcity the horny man thinks, “that tree looks curvy.” With “curvy” here being a post hoc justification. “I like curvy women, therefore the reason I fucked the tree is that it reminded me of curvy women.”

So at some point in gooning, after trying everything, you kind of arrive at this. There’s really no “best thing,” which from the outside seems obvious. The mode of arousal isn’t the end; it’s just the means. There’s no innate strife for the thing one goons to. All gooning leads to one end, which is reproduction success. At some point in the sesh, you realise it isn’t really sexual anymore. You’re looking for meaning.

But that’s a misnomer, and so is the title. Meaning is sexual. Every aspect through which we channel our thoughts is leading to a sexual fantasy. Sex, money, and power? More like sex, sex, and sex. The silverback gorilla is just the result of evolution wanting to leave as many genes as possible. We want the same thing, but we have abstract thought. Abstract thought is then capable of channelling sexual desire onto every aspect of life. So when you’re hyperfixated on the mode, you realise you’re striving for an end that can’t be reached.

A conclusion for the goonsesh, then, can be that I’m not really searching for anything meaningful. Any of those videos would’ve done the job. Fulfilment becomes not searching for the perfect video, but channelling that desire through abstract thought into things in life that you actually want. So it’s not really about abstinence from sex. It’s about channelling sexual desire into fulfilment. That’s why religious celibacy isn’t really abstaining from desire. It’s using that desire for worship. You want to fuck God. And Tesla wanted to fuck science.

If fulfilment came from celibacy, then wouldn’t the greatest minds and strongest men be the ones with no balls? I think the modern interpretation of testosterone needs correcting. I don’t think testosterone makes men “angry” or cutthroat, it's just that he believes that in the modern world such traits are useful to gain power (sex), and therefore to sex. Biology is just using that strife for reproduction and directing it into whatever the male believes will give him exactly that. That’s why it’s linked with motivation. So you can imagine then, a person who wholeheartedly believes that something else gives him power (sex). Take then the suicide bomber wanting to spread his seed to the 72 virgins. He is just gooning. Like you and me.

So what conclusion can we arrive at? idk the meth is wearing off i'll think about it later.