Childhood Trauma

Guys this is my first time on reddit. I am getting suicidal thoughts, because of an incident, 9 years ago. So I wanted to share the whole story.

Basically, my parents sent me to a military school. There was morning exercise, school, games, food and everything looked great to me. But then intense ragging, physical punishments, beating started.The seniors were all inhumane. I tried to tell my parents. They told me to just wait once you become senior everything will be good. I was in 8th grade that time. I believed them. But nothing changed. A new principal came and he was a dictator. Our life was hell even in Class 11th & 12th. I passed out from that place in 2024. It was a phase of 7 years. Then, I took a drop year. At that period I told my parents everything. It was a daily fight. They told me we were not mature that time, time was wrong, it's your fate, there were other students and they didn't complain to their parents. They told me to forget. Then I joined btech. My father told me to join NCC. Same beating and past...

Time flew. Right now I am in my 2nd year of btech. I am trying to heal but the memories just come back. My only blunder, I complained to them too much in these 2 years and on the telephone during those 7 years too. So they are fed up. If I try to tell them now, they say once u become a parent u will understand. They cursed me. You are a bastard child. I told them parents give birth so it's their responsibility to protect their child. They just got angry at me. Once I angrily told them what if your daughter gets beaten by her husband. Will you not protect her ? They got angry and beat me. They supported my sister and told me not to compare.

I used to walk 5 - 6 km daily in that place. But they drop my sister to school and also force me sometimes. Once she said that her tuition is not good and her school teachers are bad, and they changed her to new school and tution. I told them what equality is this ? Same neglect. Now I am not able to trust anyone what if they also don't help me in my bad times. I even tried to heal and make new friends but those incidents just came into my mind.

So I am thinking about ending everything. I don't care about the consequences. Then I feel guilty about my family. Idk what to do anymore ? Everything is fucked up...