24 M Bengaluru Had a brutal breakup and now I know why playboys are always happy

Hi all

I am a 24 M living in Bengaluru at this point. I was in a relationship with a girl for 7 years since my class 11th.

We were in the same school where we were best friends before dating each other.

She is from a different religion. That was an issue and I was living in a bubble that things will work out maybe we will end up together.

I wouldn't say I was the perfect boyfriend. Post 12 th we went to different colleges the pressure of working hard to get a job her new male best friend and insecurity everything kicked in. I wasn't the best version of myself i really made her life bad at that time but we came back stronger.

I had a realisation that we were not going to end up together i started distancing almost broken up for 8 months but I couldn't stay without her. Came back together again.

She was preparing for CAT exam even though I started preparing so that I could help her study. But it didn't work out the way it should have. Worst of all her father passed away and she really loved her father like really loved her. And I was an asshole we had a fight at that time because I couldn't meet her because I wanted to meet her to console her but didn't work out I have an issue with expressiing my feelings and i don't speak much most of my conversations are inside my head and what comes out after that was stupid af. I pushed her to grow as that's what her father would have wanted.

Then we started preparing for private jobs. Seriously I wanted her to work independently so that she would take her own decisions and by her decision I thought she would choose me. Long story short she wanted to leave me and I wanted to stay because I thought we would figure it out.

Long story short she got a job in Accenture and I was working in Cognizant not a handsome salary the entry level ones.

It was May 8th she Said there is a guy her brother has found for her she had rejected multiple guys before as well I thought she ll do the same. But this time it was different. She said we should stop talking as this is her decision and she wants to go ahead with it. I was in ego and said okay fine two days later reality kicked in. I went to her call and cried. She did too. We said our goodbyes. But it wasn't goodbye for me I love her and I still do. I called her again after two days she blocked me on WhatsApp and call. I panicked and texted her on Instagram. She replied it's necessary. For both of us. I didn't say who gives the other person the right to decide what's good for me. I wanted to be around you that's what's good for me. But she said and I went blank I knew there was no coming back from this. I booked flight tickets and went to see her from Bangalore to Kolkata. She was someone else. She said me words that I never expected her to say. Basically invalidated the start and the end of our relationship. Called me a manipulator( i remember this as that hurt the most) she said she doesn't want me around and i don't understand consent she is an individual with her own identity and she has a right to decide.. . I was like what about me..? And the answer was Ham theka leke nhi rakhe h tumhara.( I haven't taken responsibility for you) That broke me from inside.

Had my self respect broken I took the flight the next day left kolkata came back to Bangalore. Tbh idk why I was so in rush the tickets were damm expensive. Two days later she called she said sorry and she has to do it she is the eldest daughter one brother younger left studies after his father's demise and took over family business and a little sister. She couldn't do anything that will hamper her family even if it means leaving me. I was hurt i didn't have words again What about me? But I didn't ask I just said i respected her decision gave her well wishes and kept the call

THE STUPIDITY IN ME BOOKED ANOTHER FLIGHT TO KOLKATA JUST TO SEE HER.

I went again told her there is a parcel she started calling me a blackmailer as I didn't understand personal space i couldn't just send stuff at her pg. But guess what it was me. She got angry she gave me slangs which again i didn't expect her to say. Then she said I was the worst thing that happened to her. She wouldn't have dated me. And I broke again. We went to a restaurant ate something and she calmed down she didn't eat anything. She calmed a bit she didn't let me hug her touch her just a handshake and said goodbye. I was about to leave later because I didn't have any tickets decided I called her a day before I left gave her a letter idk if she read it or not and her favourite flowers I found a tree for it Bougainvillea. I left it at her doorstep and called her she got irirtated again i told I am not there I just left something she was not convinced I sent a pic showing where I was she took it we talked normally I left the next day for Bengaluru.

Didn't have any contact as she said she will be getting engaged soon guess what she wasn't there were a few guys who came to Kolkata before to see her i thought they were friends guess what they came for the marriage and it was going on for 2 months while we were in a relationship and she started asking me to leave around that time only. It's just a guess I am an overthinker i don't know the truth. I begged her to keep me on LinkedIn also I promised i wouldn't drink or smoke.

Yesterday I texted her on LinkedIn saying I am ready to convert which I was ready I was ready to accept the religion she was in if it meant we would be together and she told No. She doesn't want me She wouldn't stay with me and the earlier i understand the better. She said some stuff again which I can't share ( slang basically) and then she reminded me that I don't have work or something. Why don't I focus on that. I gave her some curses like not slang curses that she hurt me bla bla bla and she flipped and said do you want me to tell my brother that I am bothering you? I have a loan of 2 lacks at the point because of my previous stupidity. Out of which 15 k i took from her i told her I ll return it i thought she ll stay. She said can't keep sponsoring me. The person who helped her get a job when everyone in her family was stopping her is telling me about work and money now life humbled me pretty badly.

She asked me will I stop approaching her or else she will block me i don't want to be blocked I loved her I still do. Even after everything i do.

Ps i don't have any friends because I thought I ll give her the majority of my time. Girls get friends who support them post breakup. In my pathetic situation I am in debt with her. I don't have money i talk to her friend to vent out idk what can be worse.

I won't text her I want her to stay atleast wherever she was. I don't want her to block me but I am hurt enough. I can't now. Since last three days I have been getting suicidal thoughts my pg. Is 5 floor +1 terrace 6 if I try maybe I won't live and this thought has crossed my mind for three days but I have to repay the money I owe to everyone friends family and the loan apps. That's the only reason I am living else I would have died. In all this where is my family? I can't share it with my father if I tell it to my mother she takes it up to her ego. Why am I crying why did I date her and starts shouting at me it's better to avoid her.

Idk what to do I want someone to just sit next to me and stay I am devastated at this point.

I don't want money I don't want advice I just want to vent out. I can't process her losss. I love her a lotttt.

Help please.