Moving on

Today has been the hardest to deal with so far. I dont know why today specifically is so hard for me. Everything keeps coming back, i keep seeing things that remind me of every moment we shared. It's so hard trying to repress every memory we've created. Everywhere I go, I feel you there. Every morning that I wake up, I forget that I won't be able to see you. I dont know who else to talk to. I cant hate you. I have zero resentment towards you. I only have hate and resentment towards myself for not being a better person for you and for myself. I blame myself every day. I said it was fine and that it was okay, but I dont think I meant that at all. What we had was amazing, i would've given everything up to keep it all the same. But I just didn't want you to feel like you're trapped anymore, I still care for you so much its ridiculous. But maybe you were right, that this was a push in the right direction. For both of us. Deep down, i think im hoping you find this somehow. And hoping that you'd turn back around and take me back into your life. But i know your life will be better without feeling tied down by me and all my own problems. I dont know how to move on without you in my life. Im sorry for being such a loser, for not being able to support you in the ways you wanted to. Not being able to do everything you wanted to. Im so sorry. I know ill find a way some day, and so will you. I know you'll do great things. Its just i dont know how to look forward right now. Ill be okay one day, and ill smile when I remember you and all the things we did. I still have so much love for you. "I might not be the right one, it might not be the right time."