Hot Dog Eating Contest

The annual Nashville Hot Dog Eating Contest was about to begin. Four moronic slobs answered the call.

The winner would receive a voucher for a free car.

The contest organizer stepped to the front and explained the rules.

"The contestant who eats the most hot dogs within the time limit and is still alive when the contest ends wins."

This clause was added after several widows tried to claim their husbands' prizes after they collapsed from heart attacks caused by consuming 33 hot dogs in five minutes.

The timer started, and the contestants got to work.

The first guy, dressed like a morbidly obese lumberjack desperately in need of Ozempic, managed to eat six hot dogs.

The second guy who looked like if Flint, Michigan, was a person. He consumed three dogs total: one Golden Retriever, one Cavalier King Charles Spaniel, and one French Bulldog. Come to think of it, I don't think he understood the goal of the competition and got more confused than the participants of a Gamblers Anonymous casino night.

The third guy who wasn’t meant to be eating due to his surgery in a few hours devoured nine hot dogs.

Meanwhile, the fourth guy hadn't eaten a single hot dog. Instead, he questioned his life choices like someone who just graduated with a liberal arts degree.

Eventually, with only 20 seconds left, the fourth guy pulled out a shotgun.

BAM! The first guy dropped faster than an elderly woman's rack and I’m not talking about her spice rack.

BAM! The second guy hit the floor as hard as a the ShamWow! Guy hit that hooker back in 2009.

BAM! The third guy collapsed like a divorced dad faking a heart attack to get out of his daughter's recital.

The contest ended.

Since the rules clearly stated that the winner had to have eaten the most hot dogs and still be alive, the Nashville Hot Dog Society had no choice but to award the voucher for a free car to the murderer.

Unfortunately for him, the voucher was non-transferable, had to be redeemed by the winner in person, and expired after 25 years.

A real shame since he was scheduled to be released from prison in 30.