I genuinely don't know how to function anymore

Back here to just vent again because things haven't gotten better. On mobile so I'm sorry.

I just truly don't even know what to do anymore. I did get a job finally, but $3/hr barely helps right now. Especially with my boss shorting my first check, leaving me to wait on my full pay until the next one, and barely letting me work now. He's so awful to work for. It's such a horrible job for me. I'm disabled and we don't get breaks, we don't have anywhere to sit at all, he takes out of our pay for almost any mistake that costs him even a penny. I'm in so much pain when I get home, i really don't know how long I can sustain this, no matter what I *need* to do. I hate my body and it's refusal to work normally so bad. I've applied to so many places and this is the ONLY one that even connected with me, much less offered to hire me.

My husband tried working at this new place with me too, but he couldn't stand it and isn't going back. So my income is the only official one to our household right now. I need insurance so bad but I can't understand how to fill out the paperwork or where to get help with it. Or rather I don't have any way to get up to their office so someone can walk me through it like a child. It's so hard to see anymore. I usually need new glasses every 6 months and it's been 2 years, maybe more now. Do you know how embarrassing it is to have to pretend like I can read things people are showing me?

We are months behind on bills and the town can come cut it all off on us at any time they chose, and we don't have any money to give them. Our rent is only half paid, and we don't have any money to give them.

My hair is falling out more than it should and I'm losing weight, again. I'm already almost under 100 lbs. It's so difficult not to do something stupid because what would it matter at this point anyway? I feel like a ticking time bomb waiting to explode. I just don't know what to do or how to force myself to keep going.